Drowning

                                                  "I sink in deep mire, where there is no standing: 
                                                          I am come into deep waters, where the floods overflow me.
                                                                              I am weary of my crying, my throat is dried...." |Psalm 69:2-3|
                                                                                   **
I’m standing at the edge of a ledge ready to jump. There’s a weight on me that is pressing heavily on my chest. I can’t breathe properly. It feels as though there’s a needle stuck in my heart valve. It hurts to breathe. I can’t eat. And when I do it’s as though I haven’t eaten anything. I inch closer to the edge. Maybe if I fall it’ll hurt less…but I take a step back. I’m afraid.  The drop is steep and the consequences enormous. But I won’t have to think anymore. I won’t have to climb my way out of this, figure my way out of it, encourage myself out of it.

I take a step forward. The jump is steep. My mind is racing. One step. Do it. Don’t do it. Breathe. It’s going to be ok. It hasn’t been ok for a very long time.

You need to regroup.

Write the vision down, make it plain. You are still in control of this. You can still start. You can still continue. You’ve lost focus of what you wanted. And wherever you look you are overwhelmed because you can’t see how you can make it, bring it together, climb out of this place that is holding you prisoner. Take a deep breath. You have the keys to get out. You have to slow your mind down, so you can focus. And then write it down. Make the vision plain. And the first key will appear. Take it, and run with it, and start unlocking the first door toward your freedom.

Take a deep breath.

Step back from the ledge.

Breathe.









**
Pic via @21ninety