pic via @loladeclet

As I am growing older, I am learning that the “good” things that I desire aren’t always from God, and the things that are from God, don’t always make me feel good. And once upon a time it was a harsh lesson to learn, coming to the realization that just because I thought a particular job, position, was good did not mean that that’s what God wanted for me. This has been tragically true in all areas of my life. I used to decide that such and such person was good for me, that this place is the good place to be in, this work is the perfect thing for me, and then I’d pray for God to bless it. 

But it is God that determines what is good and perfect, because he sees and knows all things. I, instead, was operating from a place of control, rather than humbling myself to what God wanted for my life. Surrendering, after having laid out a detailed plan of how things were supposed to happen felt like my limbs being ripped from my body. My plans had become my god, and surrendering them left me feeling listless, hopeless and disoriented. 

Chapter 2 of my upcoming book, Hindsight, explores, this struggle; of the high that comes from life seemingly flowing and working together, only for things to fall apart so abruptly and without explanation.

Have you ever had that experience where you are looking forward to something, only for it to fall apart? How'd you cope with it?

Stay tuned for my first book: Hindsight! Coming out this 2021!

***

For years, I’ve sought to bury the memory of you. 

I had a conversation about you years ago, to which I swore I would not help you in the way that I was being asked to. Not because I hated you, but because you know better. I didn’t want to help mostly because I was too angry with you. After all these years, I can’t quite place why you haven’t decided to do better. How do I know this? It's not that I am keeping tabs on you; but if I told you, you would not believe me.

Regardless, you came up in conversation, in a most unusual way, through an unlikely person. And you’ve been on my mind since. And I’ve come to the conclusion that I love you. I care about what happens to you and what becomes of you.  It’s not something I think I should tell you directly. Why? Because too much time has passed and I don't think you and I can ever talk the way that we used to. But I've found a way, the best way I know how, to touch your life without touching you. 

Your best days are yet to come. And should I catch a glimpse of them, I’ll celebrate you and will send you a well-wish that is from my heart because my labor for you will not have been in vain.

Sincerely, 

                              Your former friend.

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins | 1 Peter 4:8 |

This is a short excerpt from my upcoming book: Hindsight

 Go Back

“This place that you love and envision yourself in; that leaves your heart glowing with all kinds of possibilities; that offers the potential of a life that you can’t even put into words, yes, this place, this thing, it’s not for you.” (excerpt from Hindsight, coming soon).

I feel that we live in a world that tells us to pursue that thing that feels right, that makes our soul glow and gives us a sense of purpose; that compels you, and keeps you awake at night, and causes you to dream beyond what you ever conceived possible. Your soul soars at the prospect of achieving this life. And yet…. There is something else that you are meant to do on earth. There’s nothing wrong with your desire, but that life you have envisioned, and imagined and are striving so fiercely for…sometimes, life redirects you, and positions you for an entirely different mission and purpose. Has that ever happened to you? Have you ever designed your life with the intention of going left, yet, destiny is pulling you right? The loss of what you imagined…. It is this loss that I came head to head with in this journey toward purpose and fulfillment and self-discovery. Letting go of my desire, and listening to that inner voice compelling me to Go back. 

Going back and starting over. Going away from the fantasy of what I desired. Going back to the very beginning. And it is a loss that I’ve had to get over, and learning to subdue the tentacles of fear that arise with starting something unfamiliar, uncharacteristic and completely requiring my commitment in an entirely new way. 

Have you ever pursued something so relentlessly only to hit a wall and be told, “Go back to the starting line. This isn’t the way you’re supposed to go”?

There is nothing that is impossible with God but you have to try. You have to want it. You have to be willing.

You have to be willing to remove the limits on your mind and do it His way, at His pace and direction.

You have to be willing to trust Him. 

He is the God of all creation. All things are subject to Him. 

There is a time & season for everything in heaven, so don’t be discouraged.

There is a time & season for everything in heaven, so don’t be fearful.

There is a time & season for everything in heaven, so do not panic.

Do not be moved by anything or anyone. But trust Him. 

Trust the one taking you through the path. The path could always change; it could suddenly become crooked, it could easily wind back to where you just came. 

But trust in the One who is leading you.

He makes crooked paths straight. He is the light on your path. 

Trust Him.

There’s a book that I was supposed to have written years ago. In fact I began writing it in 2019 faithfully. But I couldn’t finish it.

So I asked God to help me write something. And it’s a request that I’d made many times, but this time was different because something within me told that this time it’s urgent. I have to do it right now.

And so late 2019 through early 2020, I began and finished it. And sat on it. My intention was to have released it in 2020 but  there was too much going on and for a while I lost confidence in it. 

But I thank God now, I will be releasing this book shortly.

I take pride in this body of work that I am excited to share with you, because its words have provoked  me to look deeply into myself, and recognize who I am, and dig past the performance and get to the truth; and to remind me that I am an overcomer in all things.

Above all, its completion is a mark of answering the call to purpose. It's a call that I haven't been confident in fulfilling. But I recognize that there are many doors God has opened for me, and I have to be bold enough to walk through them.  

Life is funny. I was so sure about many things, where I was going, what I was going to be doing. I was unprepared for the redirection, and it made me lose all the confidence I had in myself. I had everything planned and figured out the best that I could. I was sure. And to suddenly be left a blank slate….I imagine it’s like learning to walk again. But I have to push myself to do well and to be confident again. And this book is one of many unlocked confidences. 

What’s the title of my new book? 

I’ll be sharing that and a little bit of the content really soon!

Death and life are in the power of the tongue. That means we can kill a thing before it is born.

We can kill a blessing before it can start growing roots.

A seed can be placed in the soil, but what we use to water it will determine whether it breakthrough the soil, or it dies in it.

Discipline yourself to not speak negative words over your life.

Discipline yourself to speak words of encouragement and hope over your life.

Remind yourself that you don’t always have to have a response for everything.

Learn to cancel the evil that is spoken, and superimpose the word of God over what is spoken over you, your children, your business, your partner, your destiny.

Some battles are not physical. Some battles come in the form of words—words spoken by strangers, friends, family members, or yourself.

Proverbs reminds us that: a wise woman builds her house, but the foolish plucks it down with her hands.

Don’t be that foolish woman. Practice building your house with your words. In this case, your house is your destiny, your purpose. Build your purpose through the words that you speak. Speak life. 

Use your divine power to create blessings around you and your community, and not curses and destruction.

God spoke the world into existence. Even though we learn that physically the earth took billions of years to formulate, it started with a word. The word was spoken, and billions of years later it came to pass physically.

Don’t take this power for granted. This same power is in you too. And thanks be to God, what you speak will not take billions of years. So watch the words that you are speaking. 

Speak life.

Why was I discouraged?

Because God showed me He was pushing me all the way back and I felt stuck and abandoned.
Because I looked at where I wanted to be and where I was and I felt defeated and unable to see the seed that had been placed in my hands.
I was focused on what I lost, what I wanted, and couldn’t fathom anything better could ever come after.
Because I saw time ticking by, people whizzing past me at the speed of the wind and all I saw were my hopes lost. 
I couldn’t even make an attempt at anything because whatever I attempted was temporary and quickly died before bearing fruit. Anxiety sauntered in and it and discouragement had their way.

But Hope is a treasured thing. It’s a ladder that you climb up one rung at a time. And you believe, one promise at a time. And you listen to other people’s testimonies and you believe for yourself too even when it feels that God could not be bothered with you. Even Jesus told a Canaanite woman that the blessing was for the children of Israel, and not to be thrown to the dogs. But she did not let that discourage her. The food wasn’t for her to partake yet she desired even the crumbs falling from that table. Because she saw the blessing was greater, and her desire for it had to be greater than her pride.

These days I am taking comfort in stories of the gospels in which Jesus expressly says “your faith has made you whole” or “your faith has healed you.” In this short phrase I am reminded that those who received their deliverance believed. They went out, sought Jesus and believed that he had authority over their circumstances.

Reading their acts of faith is slowly building in me courage to stand against my discouragement. Because now I wonder: what is it that they saw in Jesus that led them to believe he could heal an 18 year sickness, and could raise daughters and servants from the dead, and a body fully paralyzed, and men and children possessed by demons? What kind of faith do I need to exercise to neutralize these moments of deep discouragement?