Hi, my name is Chenai Mbanga! Welcome to my blog! I write to encourage, inspire and empower you in growing in your spiritual life through reflections and prose. I have been writing on this blog for 5 years now, and it has been a journey! Join me as I continue my journey toward self-actualizing.❤


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I asked you for a little bit of time that you didn’t want to give me. I asked you to speak to me a little more gently but you didn’t care to. I asked you for the smallest things, things that wouldn't cost you a dime or a penny and still, you didn’t see the value in it; so when I turned around began doing for myself, why did you tell me that I was abandoning you? Why did you accuse me of being uncaring and unloving? Why did you accuse me of giving up on us, when you only acknowledged us at your whim? Why is it that I wasn't worth the effort then but I am now? Why is that now that I want me you also want me?

I'm not sorry. I am not going to be like the others, who empty themselves of themselves for you; who stayed, & kept on staying until someone carried them in a body bag, whose selves died and became the living dead. I'm leaving you and I am not coming back. I'm leaving you and I am not apologetic. I am leaving you and I hope you take this as a lesson. I hope you learn sooner rather than moments before your grave that human beings are not toys; they are not inanimate objects; they are not lumps of clay for you to beat, choke, squeeze and stomp into submission; they are not metal that you set on fire to soften and mold. They are human, just like you. With feelings, emotions, worth and value.
You choose not to see it. You choose not to uphold this value because it doesn’t benefit the selfish part of you. Nothing healthy thrives in selfishness, hasn’t anybody ever taught you that?
Understand this: I deserve good things. I deserve to be valued. I deserve to be respected and not expected to meet a standard that you don't meet yourself.

You don't know how to love yourself, to sacrifice, value, or respect yourself. And even if you did, you've proved to me time & time again that you are too selfish to consider loving others the same.

I'm leaving you and I am not coming back.

"My wayward children," says the Lord, "come back to me, and I will heal your wayward hearts.    Since you are precious and honoured in my sight, and because I love you, I will give people in exchange for you, nations in exchange for your life."  Jeremiah 3: 22, Isaiah 43:4 (NLT, NIV)


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