The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. |Psalm 18:2|

 **

I am not always consistent.

People around me are not always consistent.

The world I live in is not always consistent.

And I need something above myself, beyond myself, and better than myself to show me that I can hope for better. I can be better. And I can do better. 

I can’t always find safety even within trusted circles. The Bible says the human heart is “desperately wicked.” We don’t always know why we do the things we do. And our emotions sometimes cause us to say and do things we never thought we would.  And so, to me, God becomes a safe bet, a safe place.  He protects me from forces unseen; he sometimes reveals secrets and hidden things in darkness. In His correction, I learn to become a better woman. In His revelation, I learn to hope for better: for myself, for my people, for my countries, for my future. 

***

Concentrate all your thoughts upon the work at hand. The sun’s rays do not burn until brought to a focus.  |Alexander Graham Bell|

***

This too shall pass. This storm won't stay forever. It'll cease. And the air will clear and the fright will dissipate. It'll pass. And every tear cried will not go unanswered. Let this confirm for you and to you that you ought to focus, let go of all other distractions and do what is most important.  Revisit your goals and expectations for the year. Reflect on them, and do not allow anything contrary to them steal your attention. Revisit your goals and reflect on them. Let them take root in your mind and heart and do not entertain anything contrary to them. Do not give anything room to distract you. Do not give yourself room to be distracted. What is most important to you? Go back to that ambitious girl, the one who saw herself independent, hardworking, enjoying her life, carefree. You've pushed aside that girl for other matters. You have to let go of the other things and pursue the girl that you wanted to be. Embrace her fully and do not let her go. Do not let her go! Do not relinquish her for anything, or for anyone. Protect her. Guard her. Be tunnel-visioned. Do not look to what your heart desires but doesn't have. Focus on what's in front of you; focus and everything else will fall into place. And even if you don't get what you desire, you will have what you need and it'll allow you to pursue better things. It'll give you access into other avenues and you'll create new desires that'll add fulfillment. But you need to focus. Be tunnel-visioned. Keep doing the work. Keeping putting in the time. You'll find what you need, and you'll get to where you need to be.

***

pic via @loladeclet

As I am growing older, I am learning that the “good” things that I desire aren’t always from God, and the things that are from God, don’t always make me feel good. And once upon a time it was a harsh lesson to learn, coming to the realization that just because I thought a particular job, position, was good did not mean that that’s what God wanted for me. This has been tragically true in all areas of my life. I used to decide that such and such person was good for me, that this place is the good place to be in, this work is the perfect thing for me, and then I’d pray for God to bless it. 

But it is God that determines what is good and perfect, because he sees and knows all things. I, instead, was operating from a place of control, rather than humbling myself to what God wanted for my life. Surrendering, after having laid out a detailed plan of how things were supposed to happen felt like my limbs being ripped from my body. My plans had become my god, and surrendering them left me feeling listless, hopeless and disoriented. 

Chapter 2 of my upcoming book, Hindsight, explores, this struggle; of the high that comes from life seemingly flowing and working together, only for things to fall apart so abruptly and without explanation.

Have you ever had that experience where you are looking forward to something, only for it to fall apart? How'd you cope with it?

Stay tuned for my first book: Hindsight! Coming out this 2021!

***

For years, I’ve sought to bury the memory of you. 

I had a conversation about you years ago, to which I swore I would not help you in the way that I was being asked to. Not because I hated you, but because you know better. I didn’t want to help mostly because I was too angry with you. After all these years, I can’t quite place why you haven’t decided to do better. How do I know this? It's not that I am keeping tabs on you; but if I told you, you would not believe me.

Regardless, you came up in conversation, in a most unusual way, through an unlikely person. And you’ve been on my mind since. And I’ve come to the conclusion that I love you. I care about what happens to you and what becomes of you.  It’s not something I think I should tell you directly. Why? Because too much time has passed and I don't think you and I can ever talk the way that we used to. But I've found a way, the best way I know how, to touch your life without touching you. 

Your best days are yet to come. And should I catch a glimpse of them, I’ll celebrate you and will send you a well-wish that is from my heart because my labor for you will not have been in vain.

Sincerely, 

                              Your former friend.

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins | 1 Peter 4:8 |

This is a short excerpt from my upcoming book: Hindsight

 Go Back

“This place that you love and envision yourself in; that leaves your heart glowing with all kinds of possibilities; that offers the potential of a life that you can’t even put into words, yes, this place, this thing, it’s not for you.” (excerpt from Hindsight, coming soon).

I feel that we live in a world that tells us to pursue that thing that feels right, that makes our soul glow and gives us a sense of purpose; that compels you, and keeps you awake at night, and causes you to dream beyond what you ever conceived possible. Your soul soars at the prospect of achieving this life. And yet…. There is something else that you are meant to do on earth. There’s nothing wrong with your desire, but that life you have envisioned, and imagined and are striving so fiercely for…sometimes, life redirects you, and positions you for an entirely different mission and purpose. Has that ever happened to you? Have you ever designed your life with the intention of going left, yet, destiny is pulling you right? The loss of what you imagined…. It is this loss that I came head to head with in this journey toward purpose and fulfillment and self-discovery. Letting go of my desire, and listening to that inner voice compelling me to Go back. 

Going back and starting over. Going away from the fantasy of what I desired. Going back to the very beginning. And it is a loss that I’ve had to get over, and learning to subdue the tentacles of fear that arise with starting something unfamiliar, uncharacteristic and completely requiring my commitment in an entirely new way. 

Have you ever pursued something so relentlessly only to hit a wall and be told, “Go back to the starting line. This isn’t the way you’re supposed to go”?

There is nothing that is impossible with God but you have to try. You have to want it. You have to be willing.

You have to be willing to remove the limits on your mind and do it His way, at His pace and direction.

You have to be willing to trust Him. 

He is the God of all creation. All things are subject to Him. 

There is a time & season for everything in heaven, so don’t be discouraged.

There is a time & season for everything in heaven, so don’t be fearful.

There is a time & season for everything in heaven, so do not panic.

Do not be moved by anything or anyone. But trust Him. 

Trust the one taking you through the path. The path could always change; it could suddenly become crooked, it could easily wind back to where you just came. 

But trust in the One who is leading you.

He makes crooked paths straight. He is the light on your path. 

Trust Him.

There’s a book that I was supposed to have written years ago. In fact I began writing it in 2019 faithfully. But I couldn’t finish it.

So I asked God to help me write something. And it’s a request that I’d made many times, but this time was different because something within me told that this time it’s urgent. I have to do it right now.

And so late 2019 through early 2020, I began and finished it. And sat on it. My intention was to have released it in 2020 but  there was too much going on and for a while I lost confidence in it. 

But I thank God now, I will be releasing this book shortly.

I take pride in this body of work that I am excited to share with you, because its words have provoked  me to look deeply into myself, and recognize who I am, and dig past the performance and get to the truth; and to remind me that I am an overcomer in all things.

Above all, its completion is a mark of answering the call to purpose. It's a call that I haven't been confident in fulfilling. But I recognize that there are many doors God has opened for me, and I have to be bold enough to walk through them.  

Life is funny. I was so sure about many things, where I was going, what I was going to be doing. I was unprepared for the redirection, and it made me lose all the confidence I had in myself. I had everything planned and figured out the best that I could. I was sure. And to suddenly be left a blank slate….I imagine it’s like learning to walk again. But I have to push myself to do well and to be confident again. And this book is one of many unlocked confidences. 

What’s the title of my new book? 

I’ll be sharing that and a little bit of the content really soon!