Teach me to number my days that I may gain a heart of wisdom |Psalm 90: 12|

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When you live as though you have no control over your life, you're apt to be tossed here and there by things around you; especially by things that are within your control. Life’s challenges become insurmountable; your day-to-day becomes dreary and the weight of it keeps you from trying. All you see is what isn’t right, but the strength to fix it isn’t there. I’ve been feeling like this for a while now. I’m not sure when I stumbled into this unproductive, everything-sucks space; I didn’t start off the year like this. I didn’t start the month like this! And I look now, and I’m flabbergasted, not only by how much time has passed, but how chaotic certain aspects of my life have become. 

But after speaking to a friend, I realized the solution is right in front of me. But the strength, motivation, and focus to implement isn’t there. It’s not there because I am not being accountable; I’m too lax in my boundaries, and I’m not guarding my time appropriately. The things that are within my realm of control and influence I’m perceiving them as though they are not. I am in control of how I’ll spend my time, and what I do with it. How others may respond to how I choose to guard my time should not be the main priority. 

This is an area of great struggle for me, time management. I start off well and am always drawn back when I am on the road to progress. But my prayer has been, Lord, help me guard my time. Help me stick to the boundaries I set concerning how I spend my time, my money; and what I choose to commit to. Help me not be frivolous with what you have given me to steward. Help me to remain disciplined. 

I have ample resources to help me with my goals, Google being number 1, and Youtube a close second. With my finances, it’s about going back to following a budget; my time: blotting out various segments to do and complete the priorities of the day. 

When unexpected occurrences happen, it is better to have system to fall back on to help you navigate the challenge, rather than get lost and driven to whichever way your circumstances dictate. Be proactive to challenges, not reactive. It’s easy to get discouraged. Admittedly, I was feeling quite discouraged myself, but it’s an easy but challenging fix. One that will be accomplished one dime, one hour at a time. 

How have you overcome time/money management challenges?

It’s building up isn’t it, the pressure? You are slowly coming undone.  Your words are coming off like sparks, bursting intermittently. You’ve contained them for too long, there’s nowhere else to hide them.

And what are you hiding? The truth always comes out.  

Are you afraid of what is inside? Is it that much of a fearful thing, to open up, to be exposed, to lay bare all that you are? 

Yet you mustn’t. At least, not all of it. But you can’t tell what to show and what to shroud in mystery

Because you stand like a balloon, filled to the brim with water.

Stretching…stretching…stretched to capacity…

I reach out to you and your body tightens. If I touch you, you’ll rupture.

And you’ll drown. And I’ll drown

And we’ll spend decades rebuilding where we should have created extensions.

It’ll be a house that may never be finished.

~SOULTEA~

"Love doesn't just sit there, like a stone, it has to be made, like bread; remade all the time, made new.

" - Ursula K. Le Guin.|

Love requires what most people won't be honest about. It isn't fancy trips and sparkly gifts and trips to the salon and mani/pedis just because. It isn't multiple stamps in the passports, and lavish things and material things you've never had before.  All these can reflect that love is present but not necessarily. Their absence doesn't equal Love’s absence. 

Love's a choice. It's a seemingly never-ending opportunity to subdue your pride, your arrogance, your selfishness, for the benefit of others. It is choosing to let go of the bad thoughts, bad habits, bad decisions, bad mindset that cause self-harm and harm to others. It is choosing to speak a blessing rather than the curse at the tip of your tongue.  It is a choice, a choice that requires your effort; a choice that requires you to roll up your sleep and work.  It isn't enough to say "I choose love." Love requires work. Building. Tearing down. Cultivating. The kind of work that leaves you weary, stressed, annoyed, thinking of giving up, but pushing through regardless.  The type of work that can leave you without sleep. With very little patience. 

I hate the work. Because sometimes even when the other person falls short I'm still expected to do my best. I can't float on a cloud of endless bliss and euphoria. Where will I hope to be if I am forever chasing that feel-good-feeling, unwilling to confront my faults and renew my mind? How will I change if I'm wading in the same pool of comfort and sameness? How do I hope to have the best if I'm always following the beaten, worn path? How can I hope to be bold, courageous, compassionate, if I'm always running toward the road that's both comforting yet breeds insecurity? I often prayed for something different, for my feet to be led deeper than I could ever fathom, and for my faith to be strengthened. And as I traverse these deep waters, how can I be fearful, now that I'm wading into depths I prayed for? How can I balk at the unknown, when I once prayed for the strength to traverse through its shadows? 

So I must do the work, reminding myself that I have the strength to carry this responsibility.  In my mouth is the power to build and bring new life.  In my hands is the capability to cultivate and nurture.  The fancy trips and sparkly gifts certainly make the effort worthwhile, but they pale in comparison to the euphoric joy of overcoming the mighty mountains borne of corrupt mindsets and habits.  

~SoulTea~

Pic via @bourgiecouples

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I declare this is a week to remember. Today, I am walking in expectation of good things coming my way. I may not physically see them, but I choose to have faith over fear. This week I am receiving the good news that I am expecting.   

I am putting in the work despite how I feel.

I am following through with my commitment despite what inconveniences me.

Today, is a new day and I will rejoice and be glad in it.

Today, is a great Monday and despite what happens, my mind, soul and spirit will be rooted in peace and focus for what is before me.

I am ready for today's challenge.

I am ready to be victorious. 

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