Don’t surrender to your doubts. Remember what God has done for you from before. Remember how He showed up for you and strengthened you through an occasion you were convinced would surely destroy you. 

In 2 Chronicles 20, an army was coming against the children of Israel, an army much stronger than them. And King Jehoshaphat called for a fast and inquired of the Lord. And God assured them that the battle was His, and they should rather go and meet this great army coming against them. Imagine that. “I’m going to fight for you, but go to the battle field and meet your enemy.” And they praised and danced on their way to the battlefield, and they didn’t have to do a thing other than collect the plunder of their enemies.

King Jehoshaphat remembered how God had rescued them from before; he acknowledged that his armies were no match for their enemies, and pleaded for God to come and help them. He remembered what God had done. And that’s something to consider. Remember how God has delivered you from your past circumstances. Remember how He showed up and helped you. Remember how He got you through. It doesn’t matter if last time required less effort, less finessing, less time, less people than this time. The constant is that He showed up and did it. God can save by many or by few. Or He saves by himself, no human required.  But do you trust Him to do it? Do you remember what He did for you last time? Can you look at the Goliaths in your life and say, “the battle is not mine, but the Lord’s, and He will deliver you into my hands”? 

Will you trust God when He tells you to go ahead, even if you don’t have feel qualified, capable; and you feel more like fraud or undeserving? Will you trust Him when He says that He is fighting for you?

|For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, “Do not fear; I will help you. Isaiah 41:13 NIV|

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times." |Matthew 18: 21-22|

I am releasing you from the prison in which you placed us.  Because even when I have chosen to remove myself from it, I remain shackled to you.  My anger rises in waves; some days it arrests my peace; other days, the rage disappears as quickly as it comes. 

As I said, I am choosing to release you because you cannot pay back the debt that you owe me. Your words of apology, of remorse; that contrite tone that you muster as you plead for me to believe that you have learned a harsh lesson, does nothing to soothe me. Your words enrage, your silence inflames me more. There are moments when I am beside myself with questions, questions that ultimately do not bring me to a satisfied end even if I were to know the truth. But today I was reminded of a similar occasion months ago, whereby I had to release you because, again, you could not pay what you owed me. 

And that’s what I keep noticing. Why should I remain imprisoned with you, when I know you cannot pay your debt?  Keeping you locked here is not enough for me. And I have to come to terms with the fact that unless you pay in full, down to the immeasurable grain of the sands of time that I feel was stolen and wasted, I cannot keep you here. And I don’t want to remain imprisoned alongside you, my heart and soul incensed at the thought of a loss that I cannot regain.

You are an unsatisfying prisoner. There is neither variation or creativity in your words and apologies. 

And besides, I can’t justify keeping you here, not when I, myself, have sought and continue to seek leniency so that I am not an occupant of these same walls. 

Be at peace; you are free.

          I am free.

**

SoulTea

Then the master called the servant in. “You wicked servant,” he said, “I cancelled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?”  In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.

This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart. |Matthew 18:32-35|

pic via @afrodyssee

"For there is no truth in their mouth; their inmost self is destruction; their throat is an open grave; they flatter with their tongue" | Psalm 5:9 |

You do a lot of believing in God in your heart. You are good at believing him there, yet your actions do not show it.  You commit to him on Sunday, and cheat Monday through Saturday. If you even make it on Sundays.

You say that you believe, but your belief must be reflected through your actions, otherwise, what do you really believe? Are not your actions the evidence of what is in your heart and mind?  Loving and serving Him is not like how you love and serve your peers; outwardly showing grace and love and kindness, whilst your heart rages against them and despises them. 

Is it a wonder that Jesus said “if you love me keep my commandments.”? Because He knows you; He knows that you’ll love only in secret, while outwardly following your own reasoning and rationale about how to conduct your life. And He puts that love to the test, to separate those who love Him faithfully, and those who love Him superficially.

God says that His grace is sufficient. All it requires is for you to believe it, but you insist your sin is too great. He shows you that his son died for that sin, and you tell him His death wasn’t enough. But you’re convinced that you “love” him.  How come your version of love tramples the son of God and insults the Spirit of Grace?

Imagine being the one who gives love and the person you give it to, at every turn, in every situation, both public and private, shouts that the love is not enough. And you do this to God because he is God, and His mercies endure forever. Until the day comes, because it always comes, and He can no longer endure you despising him and His gift, and His mercy, and the blood of His son that He freely gave to you so you would not continue to suffer, but that you live and reign with him in a place where there will be no suffering, no weeping. 

Instead you would rather disinherit yourself from His kingdom, refusing to be washed and sanctified and justified. But His grace remains. Because you are right, His mercies are forever.  He won’t stop being merciful because you reject Him. 

But look at your heart. And your actions, and your words. Let them be in alignment. Because your actions are snitching on you. 

Lay down your pride and contempt for yourself and life, and let Him make right what is wrong and heal what is broken and give you an opportunity to live. 

And really, if you love Him as you say you do, it’s time that your actions reflect that.

Otherwise you are not fooling anyone.

Certainly not God. 

See that ye refuse not him that speaketh. For if they escaped not who refused him that spake on earth, much more shall not we escape, if we turn away from him that speaketh from heaven |Hebrews 12:25|

**

SoulTea

Pic via @fashizblack