But I have this against you: you have abandoned your first love – Revelations 2:4

You have forgotten me. You have forgotten all that I did for you. Often, you called on me for help and I came for you. Remember how stressed, unhappy, & uncertain you were, and I opened my arms to you, and I gave you peace. I gave you strength & hope, and a sense of purpose that you had lost. I assured you that in my hands every broken piece would be made new. Remember my word; I assured you that the latter days will be greater than your former ones.

But look at you now. You are full of accusations, and anger, letting your mouth speak words that it doesn’t understand. Everything else has your attention. Your heart’s weighed down by worry, and anxiety. Yes, everything looks frightful and uncertain to you. I see your eyes searching, searching for anything to give you hope; your fingers are grappling, desperate to hold on to something tangible. Your heart’s seizing, afraid of tomorrow. Is there a future to look forward to? Is there hope? Could tomorrow be your last day? Or the last day for your loved one? How will you make it? You question if there’s still a point to remaining here, that perhaps this has been one vicious experiment to cause suffering, and I, the puppet master behind it all.

Remember me; remember who I am.

What you lost I promised I could restore. I only asked that you trust me. Trust me. Believe me. You used to believe but everything else has your attention now. 

Remember what I did for you. Remember what I delivered you from. Remember the mercy that I showed you when you insisted that you did not deserve it. Remember when you chose your own way, but I still remained. Take your eyes off of what is causing you fright and stress and hopelessness, and turn back to me. I have not abandoned you. It is you who has walked away from me. Come back to me. 

Remember what I have done for you in the past. And come back to me.

Let the wicked man forsake his own way and the unrighteous man his own thoughts; let him return to the Lord, that He may have compassion, and to our God, for He will freely pardon.  Isaiah 55:7 

pic via @blackexistence

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For the next little while, I’ll be writing about the past. I think I write about the past a lot, but this is more purposeful reflection through various quotations written by myself, lessons found in scripture, and quotes from books and other writers, etc.

Although feelings of inadequacy may arise, do not give them a permanent home. 

How are you supposed to get better, to be at the level that you want to be if you don’t try, if you don’t make the effort towards getting better? Better comes with thousands upon thousands of attempts. No one is born being the best. Everyone is born with a seed that must be planted in the right soil, watered, cultivated, fed, over and over until it becomes a mighty tree. One of the oldest trees in the world, christened “Methuselah” did not appear on earth as it is today. It began as a seed. And whatever it is that you want to do, just start it, and you will become better as you invest more time, and as your resources grow. The world isn’t exclusive to those who are the most skilled (they too began as not being skilled enough). There is ample room for those willing to try, put in the work, and keep putting in the work. You are a star. Don’t go against your nature, dimming your light because you are surrounded by other stars. They are shining as they ought. You ought to do the same.  Becoming good, or excellent is a matter of effort and nothing else. I don’t believe anyone is inherently good at anything. It requires effort, practice. And even if one has a certain talent, they still need to put in effort to make it better. Your being good at something isn’t necessary the problem. Be consistent. Be focused. Don’t surrender. Don’t give up on yourself. You’re going to get there.  

                                                                            ~SoulTea~

pic via @thegrnwood

Know your worth then add tax.

It’s not about dollar amounts; but rather recognizing the value you bring, and the blessing you carry, and not just giving it away because you are a nice person or a good person. You add an advantage that you can’t put a dollar amount to. Whoever crosses your path and requires something of you, must earn it. They must recognize that they cannot treat you any how, nor despise you as though you can be procured anywhere in abundance. 

The woman of God spoke something interesting that made me think about the value that we often bring into some people’s lives; how that value is taken for granted and despised, only for the same people to come back, months or years later, wishing to extract from us and dash away again. And we suffer them, because we want to be good people, and Godly people, but it’s amazing how someone can turn your heart into wickedness, because you no longer care for who they are and what they want. You withhold from them because you recognize that they are only there to eat, and never to help set the table, buy, cook, clean or suffer with you.

But it also made me think that we don’t see how valuable we are, and pride kicks in, that sense of “I wanna to be a good person”; “I don’t want to be mean;” “I don’t want to be rude or cold or unChrist-like”. Everything is I, I, I. While simultaneously, we are not valuing, and demanding that a person recognize our value and act accordingly. We’d rather throw precious pearls to pigs, for the sake of maintaining pride and our sense of goodness. 

But you mustn’t suffer people for too long. Some people need to recognize that they have to work a little harder, and do better to have you on their team. Some people have to recognize that in order to continue to enjoy the blessing, they have to stick around. They can’t come and go when the going is good, and then want to return and get help again when things turn left. It’s either you come, and stay; or leave and stay gone.

Be alert. Be watchful. Recognize what you deserve.

Don’t despise your worth by throwing it away to people who cannot and will not level up for you and with you. 

The journey of life is challenging as it is, and often hits in ways that are unpredictable. Knowing your worth and value is not about arrogance or vainglory.  Letting folks use you and treat you anyhow isn’t humility.

 God put his Spirit in you. As His child, you can’t be and act and do things as you please.  So how then can we be ok with folks doing and saying and acting as they please towards us?

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SoulTea

pic via @thegrnwood

The just person, the one in right standing before God, is the one who lives by faith. 

How do I do this today?  What do I need to be certain of to live by faith? My problems are plain; I can almost touch them — they breathe, they have.a heartbeat, they take up spaces, within me and in my environment. Is living by faith saying “Despite X, God is able/powerful/real/etc? Is it believing the best of a situation?

Is it allowing God’s word to dictate my perspective in every situation that I encounter? Is there substance, or weight, or truth to what God says, that I choose to believe him. To live by faith, I must believe that yes, what he says is true, is valuable. To live by faith is to live in the assurance and confidence that what His word says about me, my future, my destiny is true, yes and amen. How else can the poor say “I am rich”, and the weak say “I am strong” if they do not believe? And although judgement may sweep through the land, and the earth is in turmoil, our faith in Jesus, and not our actions of “goodness”, is what makes us right before God. Other than His mercy alone, there is always hope for those who have put their confidence in the Lord.

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….be content with what you have… Hebrews 13:5

Be content. Contentment isn’t going to descend from on high and scatter these regrets and longings. You have to choose it, and fight anything and everything contrary to contentment. But it’s hard. It’s hard to be content with what I got because I can’t help thinking what if…If only… I should have….

What a precarious place to be, discontentment.

What are you grateful for?

I’m alive, I have my health

….but I feel that I am not making the best of it.

What are you grateful for?

I’m grateful for this country, that I’m not living in a perpetual war. Even though there’s perpetual war….

What are you grateful for?

I’m grateful for this skin, because God was intentional when he gave it to me. 

What are you grateful for?

That I can choose to have a glorious year if I put my mind to it. I am not in prison.

What are you grateful for?

I’m grateful for my challenges that are pruning me to be courageous, resilient, emotionally and spiritually strong.

What are you grateful for?

I’m grateful for my family and friends, forever present and comforting in their unique ways.

What are you grateful for?

I am grateful for the car I drive which gets me to where I need to daily.

What are you grateful for?

I am grateful for the house I live in and the space that is my own to have.

What are you grateful for?

I am grateful for my spiritual leaders, whose intentionality, devotion and dedication compels me to be intentional with my own life. 

What are you grateful for?

I’m grateful for this breath that I did not labor nor toil for.

What are you grateful for?

That despite everything going on around me I have peace and I can sleep.

What are you grateful for?

What are you grateful for?

What are you grateful for?

pic via @africa_and_blackculture 

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