The last time that you prayed, did you pray for strength to overcome the challenges you face, or did you ask that they be removed from you?  I was reminded today to think about the prayers that I pray. I have encountered challenges that I vocalized, prayed, decreed I did not want to face, only to end up facing them. And it’s discouraging, because it makes me wonder why my prayers did not come to pass. But I was reminded that when I pray, to always pray for strength to overcome; strength to fight through the challenges that are here and that are real.  It can be discouraging as Christians to experience things we don’t think we should. But we have to remember that in all things we are more than conquerors. Although we have been given power and authority to overcome, often we put our sword and shield down and beg for escape. 

Right now, for a lot of us our physical/mental health, finances, security, and social connections and supports are in shambles and prayer is the last thing that we want to engage in. But we must repent, stir ourselves up with the word of God and raise up once again our shield of faith and believe that we will get through this season.  And when we have stirred ourself, let’s pray for others, that God’s mercy and divine providence reaches them so they can find a reason to choose to live another day. 

I don’t know when things will get better; if that better will be experienced in this generation at all. I don’t know what the near and distant future hold, but I pray that we pray for the spirit of strength, and the spirit to overcome any and all challenges we face. In this world, we will have trouble. But we can rest in assurance of the one who has overcome the world, and in turn through Himself has made us overcomers.

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Do not be discouraged or dismayed. Don't lose hope.  Despite what we are all facing in various measures, we are coming out of this victorious!

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Therefore, we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 2 Corinthians 4: 16-18 (NIV)

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pic via @thegrnwood

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I am assigned a race, one that I must run with all diligence and focus. I cannot allow myself to be distracted or shifted from my lane. I must make it to the end, and not be found wanting.  Some of us are running while looking to the side; some of us have veered off course and think just because we are running we are still on the right path. Some of us don’t want to be led back to the right road, despising the length and the obstacles in our way. But just because you are building and achieving does not mean you are ahead. Because unless the builder is God, you are building in vain. Although you may build here on Earth for the comfort of all your generations, you will be found wanting in heaven. 

So, I am choosing to run my race, overcoming the obstacles that I put in my own way, and those that life have erected; I will do everything that God is calling me to, without excuse or blame or fear.

When you sit on this lyric and reflect, what are the things in you that pain has changed? How has going through painful moments transformed your life? 

I am beginning to fully comprehend that I have my own race set before me, my own lane unique to me even if it may look similar to another’s. I have my own cross to bear, my own problems that I must overcome through endurance, as Christ endured and overcame the cross. 

Many people were crucified in Jesus’s time, but none had his burden of responsibility. But he endured the abandonment, mockery; being stripped naked, ostracized, villainized, and shouldering the burden of humanity’s sin. Through all this, he did not lose sight of what he was doing, and why he was doing it. He didn’t allow the shame of his experience to keep him from fulfilling his purpose.  He despised shame; he looked at shame and decided that the joy to be experienced was greater than the shame experienced. He despised shame; he called it powerless, worthless and beneath him*. For this reason, he was able to endure to fulfill his purpose.

What does that have to do with pain changing you? Jesus love for us was greater than the suffering of the cross. Our pain cannot be greater than the promise and joy that is set before us, on earth and eternity. As a Christian, the Word reminds me that I share in the suffering of Christ. I mustn’t forget that the journey of a Christian will have suffering, suffering because I proclaim the gospel, and suffering because I am a sinful being and I reside in a sinful world. I can’t escape suffering, whether directly or vicariously. Yet, all in all, I must endure it.

But in Christ nothing goes to waste.

Pain has helped me turn to God, when I was not walking in his ways. He allowed suffering and opened my eyes that what I was looking for could not be supplied by any human being. In order to understand the world, I have to come out of it, come high where he is, and see everything around me through His word and his spirit, rather than through my human understanding.  The same way that Jesus went through suffering, and had people mocking him that if he was truly the son of God, why not save himself. They could not and did not perceive what His suffering entailed, so too, I must discern through the Spirit the purpose of what I go through, rather than despise it as do those who lack understanding. 

Just as Jesus was not deterred by the cross and the shame that came with it, but remained focused, faithful to the end; I, too, must follow that example, remain focused and faithful in the work that is set before me.

And all this pain is to help me, transform me to be Christ-like; Christ-like in my responses, Christ-like in my endurance, Christ-like in my dependence on God, Christ-like in my faith. 

And It’s a continual process. Sometimes I forget; I fall down, and allow the burden of my cross and the shame that comes with it to stagnate my feet. But He remains faithful to pull me out of my own pain and give me hope to press on. In pressing on I am made bolder, stronger, able to endure all things, changing to fully reflect His image and likeness. 

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*https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/what-does-it-mean-for-jesus-to-despise-shame

This month, find the confidence to start. To continue. 

 Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders, let me walk across the waters wherever you would call me. Take me deeper than my feet could ever wonder, and my faith will be made stronger, in the presence of my saviour. |Oceans|HillsongUnited|

You are stretching me. You are pushing me in a way that I didn’t anticipate, in a way that I don’t think even makes sense, but in one that I have to accept.  Why did you choose me? What is your plan and purpose in this? Why did you pick me for this unique set of circumstances? What is it about me that you created that is able to survive, thrive, to manage these set of challenges? Why did you choose me for this? 

A man makes plans in his heart but the Lord directs his steps. You have not only directed, you’ve created a new set of plans, ones that I would not have anticipated to make alone. It’s an uncomfortable place; I cannot lie and say I have fully surrendered, but I think I am getting to that place. It’s becoming a little easier and I am trusting you in a way that feels new again.

In this season you are pushing my boundaries, increasing my capacity. I was unprepared for it. I thought I knew what it would be like—in my mind, it was almost perfect. I made room for imperfection, and room for you to freestyle, forgetting that you cannot be contained into a corner. You take up space with your creativity, you rewrite the script, and you cause me to confront my fears, my discomfort; you raise up mirrors around me and I’m forced to look at myself. You are causing me to look at myself and it’s uncomfortable. I’m writhing in discomfort, shutting my eyes, looking away, shouting, but I am surrounded by mirrors. It’s me. I am seeing myself. I like it but it scares me. I like it but it could be better. I like it, it takes my breath away. There are such extraordinary contradictions contained in me, ones that do not quite make sense but somehow, they flow together.

You are increasing my capacity to trust you, to be patient in a way I’ve never had to be, to confront my fears, my emotions. You are causing me to become a leader in a way that I didn’t think I would have to. In a way that I didn’t want to. I have to take the lead in something that I thought wasn’t my responsibility to. You’ve switched the roles and I am perplexed. And it’s going to require a level of focus that I have never had to employ and truthfully, I do not feel confident. You know how imperfect I am. You know that I have more errors than wins, that I’ve stumbled and fallen far shorter than I should for a person who has known you this long. Truthfully, I do not feel capable for this task before me, because even now, my mind is wrestling with it. Yes, I know it isn’t by my strength, nor by my power.  And of-course I am willing. I think there is someone who is better qualified.  And you know that there is, and yet you still choose me. 

Yes, I ought to learn that you pick the one who is willing for the mission you set before them. You don’t pick randomly, blindly, or as a second option. You are intentional. And you intentionally chose me with these sets of challenges, to traverse the sorrows and pain, to be pressed and pushed in this way, that I may grow for your plans and purposes, that I may draw closer and experience you intimately; that I break from the prison of human expectation and ways of thinking, and to flow into you to bring glory to your name, and understand the mystery of who you are, and the mystery of who I am, and the mystery of everything that surrounds us. I don’t think I’ll ever figure you out, but I think if I surrender, you will take me through profound places and hidden areas of the soul and spirit that I wish to comprehend. 

It is the glory of God to conceal a matter; to search out a matter is the glory of Kings – Proverbs 25:2

But I have this against you: you have abandoned your first love – Revelations 2:4

You have forgotten me. You have forgotten all that I did for you. Often, you called on me for help and I came for you. Remember how stressed, unhappy, & uncertain you were, and I opened my arms to you, and I gave you peace. I gave you strength & hope, and a sense of purpose that you had lost. I assured you that in my hands every broken piece would be made new. Remember my word; I assured you that the latter days will be greater than your former ones.

But look at you now. You are full of accusations, and anger, letting your mouth speak words that it doesn’t understand. Everything else has your attention. Your heart’s weighed down by worry, and anxiety. Yes, everything looks frightful and uncertain to you. I see your eyes searching, searching for anything to give you hope; your fingers are grappling, desperate to hold on to something tangible. Your heart’s seizing, afraid of tomorrow. Is there a future to look forward to? Is there hope? Could tomorrow be your last day? Or the last day for your loved one? How will you make it? You question if there’s still a point to remaining here, that perhaps this has been one vicious experiment to cause suffering, and I, the puppet master behind it all.

Remember me; remember who I am.

What you lost I promised I could restore. I only asked that you trust me. Trust me. Believe me. You used to believe but everything else has your attention now. 

Remember what I did for you. Remember what I delivered you from. Remember the mercy that I showed you when you insisted that you did not deserve it. Remember when you chose your own way, but I still remained. Take your eyes off of what is causing you fright and stress and hopelessness, and turn back to me. I have not abandoned you. It is you who has walked away from me. Come back to me. 

Remember what I have done for you in the past. And come back to me.

Let the wicked man forsake his own way and the unrighteous man his own thoughts; let him return to the Lord, that He may have compassion, and to our God, for He will freely pardon.  Isaiah 55:7 

pic via @blackexistence

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For the next little while, I’ll be writing about the past. I think I write about the past a lot, but this is more purposeful reflection through various quotations written by myself, lessons found in scripture, and quotes from books and other writers, etc.