"Courage is the most important of all the virtues, because without courage you can't practice any other virtue consistently. You can practice any virtue erratically, but nothing consistently without courage." ||Maya Angelou||.
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I am afraid. I’m not sure of what.
I have been afraid of sharing with you because
I am afraid of my own words. I don’t always know what I am saying, what I am
revealing, who I am talking to. I am afraid that I’m not articulating myself
quite well. That I’m saying something yet saying nothing at all.
I like substance. I like things that stir my
passion. I am often curious about people that I shouldn’t be curious about. I
read things that bring me wonder and disgust. I sometimes like to play devil’s
advocate because what is right and wrong, really? How can you be right and I am
wrong and vice versa. What is Truth? And so in my wonder the fear comes and
goes. And I can write pretty things about it and overcoming it from time to
time but along the way I fall. And I don’t know what to do about it. The
voice I trust the most makes me the most insecure. And makes me look the most
foolish. And so I’m at a standstill. And I think I ought to retrace my steps,
go back to the beginning and do what I should have done and didn’t do because I
expected something different at the time. And it’s ok. I have to trust that as
I have proven to be strong enough to endure the loss of what I once wanted, I
can now want something else. And my heart muscle is able to accommodate more
than I could from last time.
And because fear is never too far away, I will
write the fear out of myself at each interval; perhaps in this way I can make
the phantoms in my head less daunting and by exposing them I can see the
accurate scale of what I am up against. Perhaps I can expose the lies I tell
myself. The loss that steals my joy. My peace. My progress.
I will write my fear out of myself.
