GET TO KNOW ME
Hi, my name is Chenai Mbanga! Welcome to my blog! I write to encourage, inspire and empower you in growing in your spiritual life through reflections and prose. I have been writing on this blog for 5 years now, and it has been a journey! Join me as I continue my journey toward self-actualizing.❤

CHECK THESE OUT!

  • 1
    HINDSIGHT
    Hindsight is my first book! Read about where the idea came from, why I think it’s important, and how it’s the book that led to self-actualization.♡
    Read more
  • 2
    EOCNaturals
    I’m the founder and owner of amazing plant based hair and body butter! Transform your hair and skin with our natural plant butters and oils!♡
    Shop Now!
  • 3
    SPEAK ON IT, SIS!
    My girls and I are podcasters, speaking on life, adulting, and the socio-political challenges that we see and face as young black women in today’s society. Check out our podcast!♡
    Listen now

READ THESE TOO

Latest Posts

Brave






    "Courage is the most important of all the virtues, because without courage you can't practice any other virtue consistently. You can practice any virtue erratically, but nothing consistently without courage." ||Maya Angelou||.
  
                                                                                 **

I am afraid. I’m not sure of what. 
I have been afraid of sharing with you because I am afraid of my own words. I don’t always know what I am saying, what I am revealing, who I am talking to. I am afraid that I’m not articulating myself quite well. That I’m saying something yet saying nothing at all.

I like substance. I like things that stir my passion. I am often curious about people that I shouldn’t be curious about. I read things that bring me wonder and disgust. I sometimes like to play devil’s advocate because what is right and wrong, really? How can you be right and I am wrong and vice versa. What is Truth? And so in my wonder the fear comes and goes. And I can write pretty things about it and overcoming it from time to time but along the way I fall. And I don’t know what to do about it.  The voice I trust the most makes me the most insecure. And makes me look the most foolish. And so I’m at a standstill. And I think I ought to retrace my steps, go back to the beginning and do what I should have done and didn’t do because I expected something different at the time. And it’s ok. I have to trust that as I have proven to be strong enough to endure the loss of what I once wanted, I can now want something else. And my heart muscle is able to accommodate more than I could from last time. 

And because fear is never too far away, I will write the fear out of myself at each interval; perhaps in this way I can make the phantoms in my head less daunting and by exposing them I can see the accurate scale of what I am up against. Perhaps I can expose the lies I tell myself. The loss that steals my joy. My peace. My progress.
I will write my fear out of myself.