Search This Blog

Pages

  • Home

SoulTea

    • Home







    There will come a generation that will have nothing to lose.
     They will know their power and will set themselves free.
    They will use their power to take back what belongs to them.
    They will have justice; not because they ask for it.
    They will take back what belongs to them…what has been stolen.
    They will protest.
    They will boycott.
    They will close down their mines of gold, of diamond, of copper, of silver.
     Their mouths will not bless their oppressor, but will scream of injustice.
    Their eyes will not be sorrowful, but hard. 
    They will unveil the wolf behind the lamb.
    Their minds will be steadfast, focused.
    Their drive will rise from the sufferings of their forefathers: brothers, sisters, fathers, mothers, aunts, uncles who paved roads; whose blood and tears erected buildings that the enemy tore down.
    Only justice and equality and freedom will heal them.
    Bullets will fly but will not kill them, for the more the enemy tries to kill the more soldiers will rise.
    They will flood the streets.
    This generation of men and women will know their worth and will not sell their inheritance for food.
    for shelter.
    for clothing.
    Not anymore.
    They shall starve their cities and their towns in pursuit of their inheritance.
    A famine will rise; and drought will come.
    Freedom will feed them.
    Justice will clothe them.
    Equality will shelter them.

    They will be a generation with nothing to lose.
    Continue Reading







    I didn't know I was pregnant until I had a dream. I normally do not hold any stock to dreams, but this one was different. I don't know how to explain; it was as though I was finally living the life that I was created to live. I don't know. Words to describe it will only  be superfluous and contrived. But after that dream, I knew. And I was happy. Looking back now, I should have been terrified. I should have been suspicious. I should have been...cautious. I was about to have a baby and I didn't know what I was going to do. But I didn't care. I was so certain that everything would come together; that I would figure it out. I was fearless about the future. All I saw were possibilities. I saw myself on the other side. 

    It's funny. The night that I found out that I'd lost my baby, a friend asked me how i was doing. I remember lying because I couldn't make sense of what had happened. I don't remember if I cried that night; I certainly cried the next day. All the happiness, and excitement and the certainty mocked me relentlessly. The shame and embarrassment I felt was horrifying. How could I have been so stupid? In what world...in what place...where did I have the audacity to think my hopes and expectations would come to fruition? I'd been floating on a cloud; and this loss brought me back to earth. Clouds aren't fluffy. You can't float on them! They are made of water. I crashed onto the pavement so hard, I don't know how I am still here to share this with you. Everything that I had overlooked came and taunted me. Where had I been planning on living? Rent costs money! What qualifications did I have to care for this child I wanted to bring in to this world? Who would support me? The father? Ha! The father....

    It still makes me cry when i think about it. I told myself that it was ok; that it was for the best--I wasn't ready; I didn't have  what I needed to be a good mother; to support my baby; to live purposefully. But I truly thought that I was going to be ok. I believed it. I saw my baby and I, and I believed it.I didn't know how we would make it, but I wanted it! I was ready to sacrifice everything, because this baby was everything. It was every.thing. I had always been fearful of having a child--the responsibility; the commitment; could I really do it?  But when I finally accepted it, it was as though I'd ascended to a new realm where anything and everything was possible. 

    I suppose I dodged a bullet. I should be thankful. For what, i'm not sure. I should be grateful about how things are right now. Some days I am. Other days, thoughts of my baby creep in. Of the life that I wanted for us; thoughts of how things could be right now; of the type of woman that I would be. I know that I will have another baby, but it's challenging to conceive that I could love as passionately and unbridely as I did before. Presently, my hope is tarnished by fear; a fear that I did not know before. And this fear lingers, occasionally teasing me with doubt, and other days overwhelming me with fury, and somedays, most days now, with numbness. 

    I do my best to remind myself to let go, to hang on to hope for better days. I tell myself I will deliver a beautiful baby one day; that this baby will be extraordinary beyond my wildest expectations. But i suppose as a mother you are supposed to think highly of the fruit of your loins. I don't know. It's a constant tug-of-war.  There are days when i think that I don't want a baby; that I'll be happier not pursuing that responsibility. Why constrain myself? 
    But I suppose this is the other side of realism that I must walk: of course I'll have another baby! And I could always adopt. I don't have to wait for a man and hope that he is who he says he is. Heaven knows there are thousands of babies without parents. I can adopt one. Or several. And I'll still be happy.  

    I have to accept that women miscarry quite often. I've heard it from colleagues and friends. Some 3 or 4 times. And they continue to try. It's normal, and a part of life. It's not every woman's story, but they get through it. And I have to get through it. 
    I have to. 
    Continue Reading




    I knelt down in prayer, asked for forgiveness for what I did. You cleansed me of my sin. I cut upon my heart; hands un-gloved, i reached for the hurt, the frustration, the lust, and laid it at your feet.
    I surrendered. I chose to believe you. Again.
    But through all the rejoicing, the clarity, the confidence, I could not help but wonder:
    Are you lying to me?
    Continue Reading
    Newer
    Stories
    Older
    Stories

    Search This Blog

    Welcome

    Welcome

    About me

    Chenai.
    28.
    The Lord has given me His words of wisdom....morning by morning He wakens me and opens my understanding to His will. Isaiah 50:4


    Contact me! chenaimbanga@gmail.com

    Follow Me

    • instagram
    • twitter

    recent posts

    Most Popular

    • Even When It Hurts
    • Lawless

    Blog archive

    • January 2021 (1)
    • November 2020 (1)
    • October 2020 (4)
    • September 2020 (2)
    • August 2020 (3)
    • July 2020 (4)
    • June 2020 (6)
    • May 2020 (3)
    • April 2020 (2)
    • March 2020 (2)
    • February 2020 (5)
    • January 2020 (7)
    • December 2019 (1)
    • November 2019 (1)
    • October 2019 (2)
    • September 2019 (8)
    • August 2019 (1)
    • July 2019 (4)
    • June 2019 (6)
    • May 2019 (6)
    • April 2019 (1)
    • March 2019 (2)
    • January 2019 (3)
    • December 2018 (3)
    • November 2018 (1)
    • October 2018 (7)
    • September 2018 (1)
    • August 2018 (1)
    • July 2018 (3)
    • June 2018 (2)
    • May 2018 (2)
    • April 2018 (1)
    • March 2018 (1)
    • February 2018 (1)
    • January 2018 (1)
    • December 2017 (1)
    • November 2017 (1)
    • October 2017 (2)
    • September 2017 (3)
    • July 2017 (2)
    • June 2017 (2)
    • May 2017 (3)
    • April 2017 (1)
    • March 2017 (2)
    • February 2017 (3)
    • January 2017 (1)
    • December 2016 (2)
    • September 2016 (2)
    • July 2016 (3)
    • February 2016 (2)

    Labels

    affirmation (2) anger (2) believe (2) christian (5) courage (11) doubt (1) dreams (2) encouragement (11) Expectation (3) faith (4) fear (5) featured post (3) grow (6) Growth (8) healing (4) heartbreak (1) hope (5) hurt (1) inspiration (1) justice (2) kindness (2) let go (4) live well (1) Loss (2) love (4) love letter (1) moving on (3) mystery (1) new beginnings (3) personal (4) poem (4) poetry (6) Progress (1) random (4) Regret (1) responsibilities (2) self awareness (15) self love (2) short story (6) speak life (5) thoughts (14) Trust (3) uncertainty (4) wisdom (3) word of God (4) words of hope (4) Writing Prompt (1)

    Created with by BeautyTemplates | Distributed By Gooyaabi Templates

    Back to top