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    Whenever I forget, and the problems seem so much bigger, because surely He sees the trouble I'm in. Does He not see the weariness in my bones, the bags under my eyes, the uncombed hair, the fatigue in my body and soul... And if these mountains are still before me, maybe...just maybe, it's beyond Him..
    But there's a still small voice that reminds me: if you believe that He created the heavens and the earth, and all that is seen, and if I believe that He holds all things in His hands, then surely He is able to remove, fix or carry me through it.
      And so I fight to entrench in my mind that His ability is greater than I can currently fathom. That this desire is not too difficult for him to bring; that this weight can never be too cumbersome to carry; that in the midst of it all, His presence is the best place to reside.
    The troubles I encounter always seem grandiose, insurmountable. They require new strategies, and a continual mindset renewal and I get overwhelmed. But I have learned to take a step back and remind myself that He who holds all things has equipped me to stand, is able to deliever me, and is able to raise me up to a new place/territory. 

    And so, let every mountain bow to the God of all creation. Every mountain, hill, and valley before me must know its place. Whatever has caused me stress, frustration, and sowed discord, frustration, and fear, and whatever has blocked my footsteps, my plans, and expectations are works of creation.  And as God has dominion over all things in heaven, on the earth and underneath it, everything must bow to His command. And as I have been given power, authority and dominion over the earth through Christ, nothing shall by any means hurt me, vex me, steal my peace, or control my emotions). 
                                                                                               **
    |Look, I have given you authority over the power of the enemy, and you can walk among snakes and scorpions and crush them. Nothing will injure you. Like 10:19 NIV|
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    I declare this is a week to remember. Today, I am walking in expectation of good things coming my way. I may not physically see them, but I choose to have faith over fear. This week I am receiving the good news that I am expecting.   
    I am putting in the work despite how I feel.
    I am following through with my commitment despite what inconveniences me.
    Today, is a new day and I will rejoice and be glad in it.
    Today, is a great Monday and despite what happens, my mind, soul and spirit will be rooted in peace and focus for what is before me.
    I am ready for today's challenge.
    I am ready to be victorious. 
    **

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            “No” might make them angry but it will make you free. 
           If no one has ever told you. your freedom is more important than their anger.
         ||-Nayyirah Waheed||

                                                                                                            **
    Boundaries are good. They are healthy. Coupled with wisdom, they are essential in maintaining healthy, loving and appropriate relationships with partners, friends, colleagues, children, etc. I realize that I have not been maintaining good boundaries within my life and it has left me feeling frustrated, irritated, and resentful in some cases. Certainly, those who are partly responsible for these feelings may be unaware or not care, but as I am responsible for my feelings, I have to rethink and establish the boundaries that are missing. 


    Entitlement:  the fact of having a right to something; an enduring personality trait characterized by the belief that one deserves preferences and resources that others do not.

     I've been seeing the word here and there for the past week or so, and now that I've become conscious of it in my own life, I'm compelled to believe that God has been trying to bring it to my attention for a while now and I am just now acknowledging its effect in my life. 
    The positive thing about this is that I have become aware of something that I have been feeling (and ignoring, if I must be honest) for quite a while. I haven’t been able to articulate the feeling and unpack it somewhat objectively. I hadn't properly compartmentalized the actions that were happening and the resulting negative feelings as a lack of proper boundaries. 
    What I have allowed to happen here isn't appropriate and certainly has to change, for the sake of the integrity of these relationships and most importantly, for the sake of my peace. 
    Boundaries are important because they make everyone involved take responsibility. I take responsibility for my emotional/mental health, and the other person(s) take responsibility for their need. They are important because they maintain peace. If one party is resentful, even if the other party is unaware, there is no peace within that relationship. 
    And they are necessary in maintaining respect between people. We get too familiar with people sometimes, too comfortable. We begin to feel that they are supposed to do everything for us, or because of our self-importance, we begin to think we are entitled to whatever it is we are demanding from them. And that’s not right. 

    Sadly, if you don't nip it, it'll become routine, and you end up imprisoned by, essentially, your own inability to say no. Because that's what it comes down to. You allow certain behaviors, so they continue. If the other party is comfortable, there is no incentive to change. And you end up overdrawn, so that another person can live like royalty. Of course, some are aware of what they are doing and will try to appease you with compliments, maybe gifts, that in the long run are not worth your peace. Your peace, your integrity should never, ever be on sale. Not for a compliment, a gift, a future gift, not for any treasure in the world.  Even a servant who serves in a palace is still just a servant. 

    Admittedly, boundaries are uncomfortable, even for me who must now raise them. Because that odd little voice that second-guesses me is quick to spring up and begins to raise doubt about what I am doing. And even if I overpower it, it's never too far, waiting for the opportune moment for me to "give in," especially when a slight challenge arises that'll test my integrity in the matter. It's challenging to maintain boundaries because they require constant reinforcement. When I am resolute and unmovable in a thing, it's not as difficult because I am not thinking of it emotionally. And I guess that's where I need to be sometimes; not the grey area of feeling both good and bad but feel good that I am exercising a solution to a real problem. 
    I'd like to get to a point where I can open and close doors in a healthy way, and not feel "bad" that my door is shut. Self-sacrifice and loving my neighbor aside, sometimes I over-emotionalize a situation that is black and white; and other times I'm very much black and white and there's no room for grey. I know I'll get to a point where I'll strike a balance. Until then, I must contend with this out of control see-saw and get it to balance. I don't know if there's ever been a point in time when it was at equilibrium, but it's certainly about to start.
                                                                                                      ~~
    Learn to love in freedom and responsibility. Remember the goal of boundaries: love coming out of freedom. This is the true self-denial of the New Testament. When you are in control of yourself, you can give and sacrifice for loved ones in a helpful way instead of giving in to destructive behaviour and self-centredness. This kind of freedom allows one to give in a way that leads to fruit. Remember, “no greater love has anyone than to lay down his life for his friends.” This is to live up to the law of Christ, to serve one another. But this must be done out of freedom, not boundaryless compliance.  ||Boundaries: When to Say Yes-Dr. Henry Cloud, Dr. John Townsend||
                                                                                                       **
    ~Chenai Mbanga~





    original pic from instagram (@osengwa)
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    Today, as I go about my day, I will be present. I will remain in today and not think about yesterday or tomorrow.
    Today I will focus on the work of the day.
    I will not make assumptions about someone's thoughts, feelings, or words, but ask that they clarify for our sakes.
    Today I will pay attention to who and what is around me rather than coast through the day oblivious. 
    I will act on what needs to get down and not on what I feel like doing. 
    Today is a good day. 

    ~SoulTea~
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    Today I am giving my focus to my work. I am going to be present and not allow my mind to travel to tomorrow whilst I'm still in today.
    I am going to sacrifice to honour my commitments of today--sacrifice my phone time, browsing time, tv time.
    I will not dwell on what I did not accomplish, but I will focus on what I completed.
    Today, I will celebrate my progress and express joy, and plan on the next course of action for my next task. 


    ~SoulTea~
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    Discouragement creeps up quietly. It can be one careless word spoken out of context. One song that makes you look at yourself differently. One clip that, in the moment seems inconsequential, but inconspicuously gnaws at your confidence. Discouragement is like hot embers dropped into your hand, and instead of dropping them on the floor, you hang on to them and add fuel to the embers, igniting an all-consuming fire.

    It is easy to tear down than to build up. When you see a flaw, it's easy to justify destroying a thing than to see the beauty in something despite the flaw. Because flaws, sometimes, require you to change your perspective; they require you to put in a little work of imagination, of expanding beyond what is obvious; it requires you to see possibilities. Whereas tearing down doesn’t necessarily require that. 

    It's easy to add fuel to a small ember because your perspective is off. Your focus is distorted. It's easy to run with the word of discouragement and finish the job yourself because it's difficult to see the entire picture. It's easy to bring down something that you expect to look a certain way, rather than accept it as good. But when you make a little progress, more than you may have made prior, it is worthy of celebration. Be like God, who spoke, "Let there be light" and light came and He saw that it was good. Before He'd gone further into separating it from the dark, and naming it day and night, distinguishing one from the other, He saw that it was good.  Do not be discouraged that you've done a little or could have done more. The bit that you did, see it as good, because there is room for you to add on and perfect it.
     Discouragement creeps up to turn your focus from the progress you have made, and measures it as insignificant. It amplifies challenges and makes them insurmountable. However, these Goliaths are to awaken your inner David, the creative one who doesn't fight with sword and shield, but with a sling and a rock. You give Goliath an inch, he takes ten miles and sows magic seeds of confusion and fear that sprout up quickly and unrelentingly. And if you marinate in these thoughts too long, you begin to rationalize and become uncertain and even more fearful.  

    Beware of the dark place your mind takes you; it is not a healthy or safe place to reside. But strangely, you allow yourself to slide there because it feels like a place that you belong. And in as much as you know you don’t belong there, there’s a heaviness that seemingly overpowers you and keeps you imprisoned. You can’t think or dream beyond this place. 

    But never forget: for every seed sown, there's a time frame for its harvest. Whatever seeds you have been given, plant them. Because there's always seed time and harvest time. In each seed is encoded a specific time to flourish and a particular purpose for its existence. Plant, and in planting, cultivate, water it…do what you must. Your seed has a destiny; steward it well. After a time, it'll produce what it has been purposed to, if you don't allow discouragement to cause your seed to dry in the soil. 
                                                                                                             **

    Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again—my saviour and my God! Now I am deeply discouraged, but I will remember you—even from distant Mount Hermon, the source of the Jordan, from the land of Mount Mizar. I hear the tumult of the raging seas as your waves and surging tides sweep over me. But each day the Lord pours his unfailing love upon me, and through each night I sing his songs, praying to God who gives me life. “O God my rock,” I cry, “why have you forgotten me? Why must I wander around in grief, oppressed by my enemies?” Their taunts break my bones. They scoff, “Where is this God of yours?” Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again—my Saviour and my God!” Psalm 42:5-11



    ~SoulTea~

    Pic via Instagram: @aja_thewriter

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    Welcome

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    About me

    My name is Chenai and welcome to my blog!
    What's my blog about? I mostly write to encourage and/or motivate through my own personal reflections and through the word of God. I can't say I am a perfect Christian, but I'm taking this journey of life one day at a time because life can be really tough and disorienting. I created this blog to acknowledge these various challenges experienced in the soul, and finding peace to make it through another day.

    I'm encouraged by the words that are on this page and I hope you will too!

    If you ever want to chat, send me a message at: chenaimbanga@gmail.com! I'd love to hear from you!

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