The purpose?

In my lowest moments I’ve looked at my past with regret, with anger; but I’d like to reflect on the past, to see what I understand now that I did not or could not before. 

I believe that understanding events that have already occurred help a person understand who he or she is (or isn’t), where he or she is, and where he or she would like to go.

Personally, reflecting on certain periods of my life has shown me that I am resilient, and even when I couldn’t see it, that God will never abandon me.

I hope you’ll join me here as I explore this subject in the next few weeks. Be sure to leave a comment and express your thoughts!

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Happy New Month! I have been reflecting over the past 7 months, and I began thinking about things I can do differently and what I have learned in the first half of the year. 

I like things that makes me think about ways that I can either improve, or things that shed light about myself. It’s part of the reason why I cling to God despite my shortcomings. He lifts off the veil and exposes the truth about my heart and pushes me to come up a little higher with a clearer vision.

Putting my faith to practice has always been especially challenging when it comes to what God wants me to do. I almost always talk myself out of something because the fear, regrettably, is deeper than my trust and confidence in God. Regardless of how often I encourage myself, somehow, there’s a hidden little imp that evades my prayer and good intentions, and sneakily sifts out my faith. And I find every reason and excuse to not follow where God is leading because I can always list someone else who could (or is) doing it better, less fearfully and competently. 

But that’s not how trust works. Trust is not about seeing the entire picture. My confidence must not be built on seeing how everything is going to turn out. That’s not how faith works.

Last month, various experiences at work taught me about confidence. As I am learning my role, I must be confident about what I know. And I have been tripping up, overthinking everything. And it turns out, more often than not, I am doing the right thing, but I need to be confident in the actions that I am taking. Admittedly, this assurance has been the missing link in accomplishing and overcoming the fear that vexes me.  

And God reminded me, that I have not been trusting him with everything; that I abandoned something before it even started. Something I ought to have started before this 2020. But as I have taken further steps toward it, it’s not that I do not have faith for certain things, but I do not have the confidence.  And that had me doing a double take, because I am confident about quite a few things in my life. 

Confidence is more than what you know you can do. And it is more than doing something despite the fear.  It’s having the certainty that this is the right thing to do, this is the right path to take, and this is the right choice. Confidence is buoyed by certitude. You can perform an action, but still not be sure about it; and because you are not sure, it’s easily tossed to the side, and abandoned, and you can easily talk yourself out of it or be talked out of it by others.  

Whenever I am and have been certain about things, no opinion, discouragement, or advice has deterred me. Even the doubt in me is silenced because even it knows I cannot and will not be swayed. It has been humbling to see that my confidence was the missing piece that connected my actions to what I know God’s been saying.

Yes, God has been calling me to perform at a higher level of certainty and confidence in myself and in Him, so I can fulfill His purpose for my life. 

Esther 4:14- For if you remain silent at this time, liberation and rescue will arise for the Jews from another place, and you and your father’s house will perish [since you did not help when you had the chance]. And who knows whether you have attained royalty for such a time as this [and for this very purpose].