I don’t go out of my way to be a role model. Why?
When I was in school, teachers liked to throw that word around a lot. And if you’re the older kids, that word is the stick used to keep you in line. Initially, it felt good, because it acknowledged us as capable of making good decisions. We weren’t fully adults yet, but we’d upgraded from being seen as just “children.” But over time, I observed something interesting.
As a role model, there’s an expected behaviour. You are different from others. You do not engage in the foolhardy behaviours of others, nor do you conduct yourself in a manner that is shameful or disgraceful, to your or your school. You’re a leader.
The other day someone said to me: “you’re a role model” and I winced. I realize that to this day I do not like that word. I don’t think I’ve ever in my mind tailored myself so that I could be seen or lauded as a role model. I’m happy to not be included in that consideration.
It’s not a bad word in and of itself. Being a role model prompts you to arise and meet or exceed this expectation on you. You want to fully embody that character that is being celebrated; you desire to be worthy of it. At the same time, you are aware that you are capable of it, because if more than one person acknowledges it, then of course any weakness in you cannot stand a chance.
But I came to dislike this word. Something happened on the playground. I can’t remember what it was exactly, but as the “leaders” we were lauded to be, I believe we were in the process of rectifying the issue, but somehow, me and a few other people found ourselves at the principal’s office. And the usual speech was given about being leaders, and having to be good examples, the whole nine-yards. I don’t know if I asked, but I wondered why words like leadership, and role models get thrown around, and yet when the opportunity arises for us to show these things, they’re ripped from us swiftly, and we’re blamed for being in the very situations that we are to exercise leadership.
But you know adults. There’s never a rhyme or reason, sometimes. Sometimes it’s just control. And when you wake up to that fact, the sincerity of it is gone. You no longer share that noble pursuit. Some things are said, not because they believe it to be true, but if you believe it to be true, you’re easier to manage. I imagine it’s necessary. I can’t imagine what it’s like having to wrangle such diverse personalities for 7-8 hours a day, 5 days a week for 10 months, year in and year out.
However. It lost its appeal that day. It’s like I ate the fruit of the knowledge of good and evil, and I wasn’t the same. I thought certain things were said to cultivate virtue, but that day it was tainted. They needed us not to cause trouble so that we’re easier to manage. Perhaps they did believe we had the capacity to be leaders and role models. But that day, it was like I saw the other side of the coin and I didn’t like what I saw. And that feeling has stayed with me all these years.
Why am I thinking about this? There’s nothing wrong with being a role model. It cultivates integrity, courage, compassion, etc. These virtues are fruit that you the role model can also enjoy. For sure, certain things have been and are said for “crowd -control” if you will; but they are still noble-pursuits.
Be that as it may, it’s not a title that I search for. Whenever it crosses my path, I side-step it and deny contact. It’s a marvel the things that are used to enforce a behaviour, thinking it will nurture good character.
