I feel like I don’t have much to say today. There isn’t anything that I haven’t said that I want to say or expand on necessarily. I hate days like this. I’m still personally working through this identity stuff. I wrote on shame the other week; I am still experiencing the liberty from it, and I notice that how I’m thinking has changed too. I’m catching the thoughts that tend to question or challenge self-worth over certain actions completed or uncompleted. It doesn’t feel that deep any longer.
I think my daily habits have to change. I haven’t seen the inside of a gym in many months. I was listening to a language-learning video, and the person emphasized that our brains follow patterns and create patterns that allow us to retain and remember languages and that’s why you need to increase your language input. And it made me think about my daily patterns; specifically how my routine has declined---like how I haven’t been to the gym in months. I think some of the things I ponder about would be inconsequential if I increased my blood flow. I’d be less inclined to ascribe a negative or dissatisfied sentiment to certain unsatisfying events of life and feel empowered to overcome it.
Why?
I think I need to re-learn that life is not static. Things are changing every day, in small ways. I’m a bit calmer than I was yesterday; I’m a lot more at ease than the day before. I am in control of my response, and I have the ability to decide how I feel.
A friend of mine with whom I shared a recent dream I had of her; her response to what God is telling her made me also remember to trust God. It made me remember that God is so kind that he confirms to us what he is doing, and he encourages in little ways. And in this I feel that for the remainder of the week, I choose to be at ease. I was feeling exceptionally bothered about this language learning; I felt restless. But I think everything that I am expecting, and hoping for, and envisioning will come to pass. I should not worry. He is faithful.
I guess the takeaway here is that you have to decide to trust, and stand by that trust. Patterns that we’ve learned that are not helpful can be unlearned with some discipline, sacrifice and mindset change. There are still things that are within our control. If something(s) feel up in the air reassign it to God’s hands. Everything will work out, so rest.
