Why did you stop caring?
I recognized that self-awareness is optional for some. And as long as the train is running uninterrupted, then it isn't a priority. Thus, I decided it's noise, and it's getting compartmentalized as such.
What do you think will result from doing so?
I don't know. Perhaps nothing. Perhaps overtime it'll become clearer.
Are you learning anything?
I think I'm learning a lot and I'm not sure where to put it all or how much to be honest about it all. At the same time, I'm learning that life goes on. I'm learning that people care, but people also don't care, but also I should care, but also not care. Most of all, though, I'm learning to follow my compass and not get distracted.
How does that conclusion feel?
It doesn't feel decisive enough, yet it separates me enough to go about my business. I don't feel attached to the decision, if that's what you mean.
So, do you think you'll be able to commit to it?
I don't need it to excite me to be committed.
You know, it's easy to make decisions when you are feeling slighted or upset. Are you upset?
The decision is based on observation and asking myself what action I'm going to take. I don't think it's a decision that I ought to make emotionally. But I think bad feelings make you aware that something is wrong, either about what is said or done; and requires a response.
Do you think that things that make you feel bad requires a response?
It depends. Some things, yes, because perhaps I've allowed something to go on that needs a different response. And other things, it's best to observe and change. Wisdom is knowing when to do so.
It sounds like avoidance of confrontation.
I'm not concerned about what it sounds like, or looks like. I don't think confrontation is required in every situation. There are things that need to be handled with kid gloves and surgical precision, and some things that require a hammer. I don't need a hammer to break down a door to which I have keys. It's a good lesson to learn, I believe.
Are you a non-confrontational person?
I am whatever I need to be whenever I need to be it.
That sounds as though at any given moment you're willing to be a chameleon in whatever situation that arises.
What I mean is, if the situation requires it, I'm not afraid of stepping up to be confrontational. I don't think confronting things is an issue. But I think there are people who love to goad others into confrontation.
Is that how you feel? That you're being goaded into confrontation?
No, I'm highlighting that some things don't happen naturally. It's like a blank slate is left for you to fill, but the slate isn't blank at all.
What do you want as the outcome from this?
I haven't decided.
