***
I watched a video interview of people in their 60s, 80s, 90s+ responding to the question of whether they had regrets in life. I'd say most women regretted marrying early or marrying under pressure; some regretted their careers because it was forced on them by parents, some regretted not pursuing their passion because of what friends, and especially family, said. It seemed that fear was a common factor -- fear of the opinions of family or friends, or not meeting societal expectations. Both men and women expressed this sentiment.
And it had me thinking: it would really be unfortunate to be 80 years old, and look back and regret not doing something because other people discouraged me or I discouraged myself, or was too afraid to try. It seems ridiculous, but it's very much possible to live your entire life for other people, never fully walking in who God created you to be. It's entirely possible to shatter your own dreams because of fear.
Every person's situation is different, of course, and I think some decisions are a sacrifice made for a greater good that isn't always obvious. I found myself saying that I don't want to live a life of regret. But there was something else that was said; I don't recall if the woman was in her 90s, but she emphasized that there's no point in having regrets and being frozen in time over a decision made or not made. Life goes on. There's no way of reclaiming that exact moment. I liked that others emphasized that people act as though if you make one decision, you're bound from making a different decision. Some folks emphasized that it's in making terrible choices that sometimes we learn to make better ones. Most errors are not made on purpose. And some errors are made because we believe the best of a situation that perhaps required us to step back and make a different choice. But regardless; what I take away from it, is that assertion that you're not necessarily stuck with the mistakes that you make. You can make new decisions at any point. Perhaps we can't redo or relive certain moments, but, mistakes are a form of education. We ought to use the information gained to make better-informed decisions moving forward.
Admittedly, I've been looking at losses, both past and present, with immense regret. It has made a few things challenging, but I just didn't know how to go about it. Of course I've been praying, but I've been unwilling to let go, because my errors are out of character for me. And I've been circling, attempting to understand this person that I am. But my dead end has led me to God reminding me that He is ordering my steps, that all things work together for my good because I love Him and I'm called to His purpose. My dead end has been the reminder to use His word to overcome the regret, and just release and let it go. I call it a dead end because if I don't release the mistake I'll be stuck on it; I'll be like Lot's wife, immortalized as a pillar of salt because I don't want to let go of old things, an old life, old expectations, and all the regrets.
Watching these people made me realize that life is truly short. At 80, 90, even 100 years old, these men and women, though "old" physically, didn't seem old. Hearing them speak of their regrets, dreams, desires, and some accomplishments, their lives, as the Bible says, seems like a breath. Truly, what is 80 or 90 or 100 years old? Listening to them, part of me felt that they should have more time, but the time given is the only time we have.
Thus, any regrets we are nursing, any disappointments that have grown to mountains, we certainly must release them. At 80 and 90 years it will be that thing we'll think about with a needle prick to the heart, wishing we'd been bold enough, strong enough, and unbothered enough to release. Perhaps it seems inconsequential in the grand scheme of things, but letting go will decide the quality of life you'll enjoy from now into your golden years.
Certainly, the present moment may seem inescapable, and the challenges insurmountable, but it's a challenge that you will overcome. It's the size of a pin-head in the bigger picture of your life, but what you do is no less important. Taking back your perspective, your mind from all the difficulty, emotions and unseen forces manipulating it is the first step. And once free, continue letting God direct your steps into fulfilling your calling.
