The War, The Wreckage, The Rewrite

 

Now the LORD said to Samuel, “How long will you mourn for Saul, seeing I have rejected him from reigning over Israel? Fill your horn with oil, and go; I am sending you to Jesse the Bethlehemite. For I have provided Myself a king among his sons.” 1 Samuel 16:1

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A few days ago, I was in the middle of a thought, and I found myself saying that it’s time to begin a new chapter in my life. But before I could finish the thought, another thought interrupted it: “Why not write a new book?”

That made me laugh, and I asked why a new book?

 It’s important to know when a story is over, when a matter has concluded. It may not be the conclusion that you hoped for but be content with the cliff hanger.  I was asking myself why I felt a sense of dissatisfaction with many things, why certain loses have been challenging to relinquish. As hard as I am on myself, some regrets, some decisions have been challenging to let go.

 Almost immediately, I recalled my pastor saying that “life is not fanfare, it’s warfare.” There were lots of casualties; losses that I didn’t anticipate, disastrous decisions that led to great losses, enemies destroying precious things… In war, you come face to face with desperate wickedness, and you must take care not to be drawn into becoming desperately wicked yourself to even the playing field. You want to get your own justice and vengeance, but you cannot -- must not. You are surrounded by chaos, but you’re forced to continue living. Because you must see your victory through to the end, no matter what losses you incur. No matter what, you have to try. No matter what you lose, you must keep going. No matter how you want to give up, you must remain a prisoner of hope.  

But, remaining a prisoner of hope is like being tried by fire. You don’t come out of that the same.  How can you?  As such, you must embark on a new beginning. There are new characters entering in. A new setting. A new plot. The old is gone. If a new reader were to pick up this new book of your life, there can’t be traces of the old.  Why? You can’t put new wine into old wine skins. You’re at capacity with the road you’ve traversed. You must change, otherwise you won’t have the capacity to hold the new things being poured into you. 

I typically enjoy watching war scenes in dramas; whether it’s the heartbreaking scenes where a main character loses everyone they love, or they leave home, never to return. As heartbreaking as the separation is, they are the hope of better things ahead. They didn’t sign up for it, but fate has chosen them. They are not the only ones that suffer huge losses, but it’s as though they must choose to lose to win. They must lay down their own life, their needs, their comforts, to save a nation.  I’m not saying that that’s how it feels for me, but I resonate with that sense of surrendering in order to win something. It has certainly taken me a minute to accept that some wins are built on great losses. I’ve forced myself to look up and to see that victory, because all I have been feeling are losses.  I think the life of every Christian is like this. It's never about your needs or wants. You sacrifice your hopes and dreams so that God’s purpose can be fulfilled.

Anyway, accept that a story is over, and begin writing a new one. Accept that some people will never come back to your life, and make room for new characters. Accept that you made bad decisions and start fresh, with a resolve to make better ones. Learn to accept your enemy having victory over you in some things. Learn to start fresh. Learn to cultivate beautiful things, rather than mourning dead ones. 

Because how long will you mourn for Saul? Let God do a new thing. I suppose it has been hard to move on from some things because I hate losing what I didn’t consent to losing. It’s as though someone decides what you’ll lose and not even God is willing to help you recover it. But He is the restorer of the breach, a repairer of broken walls.  Whatever was taken, stolen, whatever you surrendered, or destroyed, God is still gracious to restore your fortunes. 

Accept the end of an era. Write something new, something different. Introduce new characters, a new setting, a new plot. Write as though this is the very beginning of your life, rather than an exit of a previous one. Forget the former things. A great and effectual door has been opened, so step into it. Embark on a new adventure.