GET TO KNOW ME
Hi, my name is Chenai Mbanga! Welcome to my blog! I write to encourage, inspire and empower you in growing in your spiritual life through reflections and prose. I have been writing on this blog for 5 years now, and it has been a journey! Join me as I continue my journey toward self-actualizing.❤

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    HINDSIGHT
    Hindsight is my first book! Read about where the idea came from, why I think it’s important, and how it’s the book that led to self-actualization.♡
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    EOCNaturals
    I’m the founder and owner of amazing plant based hair and body butter! Transform your hair and skin with our natural plant butters and oils!♡
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    SPEAK ON IT, SIS!
    My girls and I are podcasters, speaking on life, adulting, and the socio-political challenges that we see and face as young black women in today’s society. Check out our podcast!♡
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Interlude

[He who trusts in the Lord] is like a tree growing near a stream and sending out roots to the water. It is not afraid when hot weather comes, because its leaves stay green; it has no worries when there is no rain; it keeps on bearing fruit. Jeremiah 17:8 -|Good News Bible|

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I like how calm you are. It’s taking quite a little bit of time getting used to. I’ve taken for granted this type of temperament in a man. I like calm, because it helps me feel calm. I find myself ready to hear you speak for hours on end, hours that we don’t have. I have so many things to say, so many things to ask, but I hold myself back. Because slow and steady wins the race. Because I’m filtering myself to see where my questioning is flowing from: fear? Anxiety? Anger? I don’t know if this is good, this filtering. But I’m noticing. 

I’m noticing you; your tone, your laugh, the inflection in your voice when you say certain words; I notice when you interrupt and change the subject; I notice your vocabulary. I wonder if your words are genuine. I notice when your voice goes low and when it goes high. I notice every word spoken and every emotion it elicits in me. I notice myself take in a statement, and the simple response at the tip of my tongue, but then I second guess your reason for expressing a thought or asking a question. 

I revel in your calm because your calm is raising a mirror to my heart: it shows me everything that I must bring to God, everything that I must pray about. 

It’s a marvel to see all the ways my body and my mind and my thoughts and the past and the present all converge to create all kinds of perceptions of who you are. But I’m reminded it’s not you my eyes should be on. It’s on God and what He is revealing; not only about myself, but about my perception of you.  All this discovery because you are like that refreshing, cool breeze you lean into on an early summer morning, before the heat of the day comes. Even then, I welcome the heat, because I know that as He reveals the hidden things, I'm forever kept cool in His perfect shade.