Hi, my name is Chenai Mbanga! Welcome to my blog! I write to encourage, inspire and empower you in growing in your spiritual life through reflections and prose. I have been writing on this blog for 5 years now, and it has been a journey! Join me as I continue my journey toward self-actualizing.❤


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Latest Posts

Love Locked Down

"Love doesn't just sit there, like a stone, it has to be made, like bread; remade all the time, made new.
" - Ursula K. Le Guin.|

Love requires what most people won't be honest about. It isn't fancy trips and sparkly gifts and trips to the salon and mani/pedis just because. It isn't multiple stamps in the passports, and lavish things and material things you've never had before.  All these can reflect that love is present but not necessarily. Their absence doesn't equal Love’s absence. 

Love's a choice. It's a seemingly never-ending opportunity to subdue your pride, your arrogance, your selfishness, for the benefit of others. It is choosing to let go of the bad thoughts, bad habits, bad decisions, bad mindset that cause self-harm and harm to others. It is choosing to speak a blessing rather than the curse at the tip of your tongue.  It is a choice, a choice that requires your effort; a choice that requires you to roll up your sleep and work.  It isn't enough to say "I choose love." Love requires work. Building. Tearing down. Cultivating. The kind of work that leaves you weary, stressed, annoyed, thinking of giving up, but pushing through regardless.  The type of work that can leave you without sleep. With very little patience. 

I hate the work. Because sometimes even when the other person falls short I'm still expected to do my best. I can't float on a cloud of endless bliss and euphoria. Where will I hope to be if I am forever chasing that feel-good-feeling, unwilling to confront my faults and renew my mind? How will I change if I'm wading in the same pool of comfort and sameness? How do I hope to have the best if I'm always following the beaten, worn path? How can I hope to be bold, courageous, compassionate, if I'm always running toward the road that's both comforting yet breeds insecurity? I often prayed for something different, for my feet to be led deeper than I could ever fathom, and for my faith to be strengthened. And as I traverse these deep waters, how can I be fearful, now that I'm wading into depths I prayed for? How can I balk at the unknown, when I once prayed for the strength to traverse through its shadows? 

So I must do the work, reminding myself that I have the strength to carry this responsibility.  In my mouth is the power to build and bring new life.  In my hands is the capability to cultivate and nurture.  The fancy trips and sparkly gifts certainly make the effort worthwhile, but they pale in comparison to the euphoric joy of overcoming the mighty mountains borne of corrupt mindsets and habits.  


Pic via @bourgiecouples