Hi, my name is Chenai Mbanga! Welcome to my blog! I write to encourage, inspire and empower you in growing in your spiritual life through reflections and prose. I have been writing on this blog for 5 years now, and it has been a journey! Join me as I continue my journey toward self-actualizing.❤


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Latest Posts

Something New

 Why is it that sometimes a lie feels better than the truth? Ever noticed how sometimes the truth doesn’t mend but destroys? That, instead of bringing comfort, it polarizes and brings loneliness?  Rather than setting you free, it feels as though it is drawing you deeper into bondage?

Sometimes the truth is too much to bear. When you’ve spent time, effort, and resources to build and maintain a lie, giving it freedom to breathe and exist inside and outside of you, when the truth comes and shakes your foundation, it’s as though your whole world is falling apart. 

Where do you go when your world is falling apart? Sometimes I lie down and let the feeling wash over me. And I admit to myself that I want control that I don’t have. I’m shaken and beside myself. My thoughts run wild and I can scarcely breathe. My entire body is ablaze with something. My brain is scurrying for a solution. 

Honestly, I can’t have my way all the time. I can’t control everything, nor can I force everything to submit to my will. Look at my thoughts: they run wild. How can I possibly expect to command every minute detail of my day? Let alone anothers’? 

Surrendering, initially, and for a while, feels like a loss. Even surrendering to God is daunting. But God has to destroy the lies I’ve built around myself, mend, and help me rebuild anew.  The difficult of new seasons is you miss the mark, drop the ball trying to force old wine into new wineskins. It’s disorienting to surrender the old. And the crushing, and pressing, and breaking of the old to steward something new is distressing. 

In order to steward a new thing, often you must become new. Let go of the old ways of thinking and doing, let go of the familiar, and plunge into the deep—where you feel constrained and without control--but if you allow it, the experience may build you in inexplicable ways, and propel you into indescribable territories.


“Who would patch old clothing with new cloth? For the new patch would shrink and rip away from the old cloth, leaving an even bigger tear than before. And no one puts new wine into old wine-skins. For the old skins would burst from the pressure, spilling the wine and ruining the skins. New wine is stored in new wine-skins so that both are preserved.”|Matthew 9:16-17| NLT|