Then the master called the servant in. You wicked servant, he said. I cancelled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow servant, just as I had on you?- Matthew 18:32-33
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Forgive. It is said that if
you do not forgive you are doing a wicked thing because how can you expect
forgiveness and not give it to others?
But you don’t know what this person did.
The more I grow and learn the more I realize
it never matters what the other person did. Not in the grand scheme of
forgiveness. Sometimes there is no payback for the wrongs committed.
Sometimes the payback is swift. Often, the opportunity for vengeance is there
coaxing you. They deserve it, right? But vengeance is for the Lord.
I have to wonder: am I experiencing the
vengeance of the Lord on behalf of someone I wronged?
Anyway, forgiveness is said to be for you.
For your own peace. For your freedom. Untether yourself to the destruction that
the other person caused you. You have no control of another person’s actions.
Sometimes, people don’t know why they do the awful things they do. You,
yourself do awful things from time to time. And you feel justified in doing
them sometimes because you want to teach someone a lesson. It’s different when
you are at the receiving end of that lesson. Or at the receiving end of
another’s cruelty.
The heart is deceitful above all things, and
desperately wicked: who can know it? Discernment is a powerful tool to have,
because with it, you see beyond the good deeds of a person, beyond the
surface. And it is confusing sometimes to have this window presented to
you. Because it rarely aligns with the actions or your perceptions of the
person. God gives you clarity, makes you empathetic; but still, part of you
revolts, and your ego demands its pound of flesh.
But you have to let it go. And keep letting
go until you are empty of the hurt they caused, and full of the peace that you
deserve and the grace to do good, and think good thoughts towards the person
who wronged you.
There’s no time frame. Wrestling with your
ego and the memories that remind you of their transgression is exhausting.
Sometimes I give into it. But I’ve gotten to a point where feeling that hate
towards you feels wrong. It no longer belongs to me.
You are in a prison that I can scarcely begin
to comprehend. And I no longer want to occupy this odious place with
you, and that’s why I’m releasing you. And knowing what I know about you (what
I’ve always known, if I have to be honest), I pray that you whom I’m forgiving
find the courage to seek God and ask for peace. You need it to make sense of
the turmoil inside your heart, to release you from the bondage of hurt and
confusion, and the inaccurate perception of yourself. God will affirm you in a
way that no human being can. And he will show you a love that you
don’t think you deserve. But I want you to be courageous and reach out your
hand and accept it. I want you to be well. I want you to be whole.
I don’t think you even think that you
are in prison, and that’s why I’m encouraging you to seek God because it’s Him
who can open the blind eyes, bring out the prisoners out of prison, and them
that sit in darkness out of the prison house. Yes, you are blind. Yes you are
in prison. And yes, you are sitting in darkness hence the wickedness of your
actions.
In the infancy of my anger and hurt,
forgiving you felt like a loss of strength, a surrendering of power, a
justifying of your wretchedness. And it often feels like that, doesn’t it?
Undoubtedly, some people’s acts of violence are especially heinous that to
pardon them is unfathomable; forgiving can feel as equally wicked as the crime.
It’s not a romantic idea or a feel-good feeling, in my opinion. But I have come
to the conclusion that I care more about my peace and freedom than I do about
you and the reasons for your actions. Yes, I want you to be well, and whole,
but if you do not become well or whole, it’s of no consequence to me.
You are forgiven.
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Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behaviour. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as God through Christ has forgiven you. |Ephesians 4:31-32|
