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Hi, my name is Chenai Mbanga! Welcome to my blog! I write to encourage, inspire and empower you in growing in your spiritual life through reflections and prose. I have been writing on this blog for 5 years now, and it has been a journey! Join me as I continue my journey toward self-actualizing.❤

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    HINDSIGHT
    Hindsight is my first book! Read about where the idea came from, why I think it’s important, and how it’s the book that led to self-actualization.♡
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    SPEAK ON IT, SIS!
    My girls and I are podcasters, speaking on life, adulting, and the socio-political challenges that we see and face as young black women in today’s society. Check out our podcast!♡
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Latest Posts

City Noise



I can’t sleep. I hear strange sounds in my room everyday. Sometimes I think  someone’s in the room with me. Everything makes strange noises: the floors, the walls; when the heat kicks in, sometimes the heaters sound like they are going to burst. My imagination goes wild and I imagine that because they have not been cleaned in a while, all that accumulated dust is going to catch fire and burn me alive. Yesterday the walls were making sounds as though something was crawling in them. Why must a wall make that much sound?  And then there are the sirens….the ambulance and police sirens are constant. They go off on a daily and nightly basis. How can there always be an emergency in this city? And the nightly ones happen at the same hour. Everyday.

My room is hot and cold. I cover myself with sheets, it’s too cold. With my blankets, it’s too hot. My pillows are too soft. I hate soft pillows. I need to sleep on something firm and sturdy. I lay my head on the mattress instead. My neck is sore in the morning.

I don’t know when I last had a good night sleep. I sleep late because I can’t sleep early. I’m always waking up, wondering if someone’s in my room because of all these strange sounds that I hear.
In the day time, the sounds of construction, of metal hitting metal, of trucks and cars moving fill the air. It isn’t as bad then, except in the mornings when I am sleeping. The construction workers start their work early. I don’t know how many hours of sleep I actually get, hence why I nap during the day. I feel less tense during the day. At night, my mind is hyper-vigilant.
I have to relax, I know. I have to stop sleeping so late, stop being so tense. Everything is fine of course. If I pay attention, the same noises that occur at night, occur during the day. The same weird crawling in the walls, and the wooden floors stretching, and the random sounds that also occur within this apartment.

I need to relax.  There isn’t anything untoward or dark occurring in this space. I’m used to the quiet of suburbia. I’m not familiar with these downtown noises and old building sounds. Everything is ok. I just have to reassure my mind of that.