I ran until I felt my ankles burning, and my left calf cramped. The moment it cramped, my leg buckled beneath me and my knee barely missed the thick root jutting out of the ground; the pain of the cramp and the fall brought instant tears. I was hot all over, sweat trickling down my face. I felt my heartbeat in my neck, in my ears, and the pain shooting at a dizzying speed from my leg to my brain, in succession. I grit my teeth to keep from crying. I slid over and laid my back against the tree trunk, catching my breath. The burning in my ankle was not subsiding, the pain of the cramp kept increasing. I closed my eyes, took deep breaths, released, willing my heartbeat to rest. I wished I had water.
I sat like this for a long while. Eyes still closed. I heard the sounds of nature, birds chirping, wind blowing from time to time, rustling leaves. I heard the buzzing of insects nearby and at a distance. I could smell the dirt, the air. The tree leaves smelled green, fresh, but also brown like they were rotting. Do you know that smell?
I’d run here many times, and it’s only today, in pain at the base of the tree, that I realized that this would be my final run. How did I know? As I sat there with my eyes closed, I saw myself running and something broke. Something broke, and it was going to be permanent. It would change everything, and not for the better. It would shift everything, and the regret would suffocate me.
I had to stop running.
Unconsciously, my body exhaled, releasing a long-held breath that swept the floor of my soul and purged whatever was clinging to me all this while. As it forced its escape through my parched lips, almost immediately, a whirlwind erupted from somewhere around my feet. I felt the rocks and dust kick at my ankles and I thought it would pass, but 5-10 seconds into it, the wind became intense. I opened my eyes, only to cover them with my hands as the wind, dust, twigs, leaves encircled me, whipping my body unceremoniously.
Just as it came, it left.
Just like that the pain in my ankle ceased. The cramp disappeared. My body felt lighter, like a weight had been released.
I have to stop running.
