Hi, my name is Chenai Mbanga! Welcome to my blog! I write to encourage, inspire and empower you in growing in your spiritual life through reflections and prose. I have been writing on this blog for 5 years now, and it has been a journey! Join me as I continue my journey toward self-actualizing.❤


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    Hindsight is my first book! Read about where the idea came from, why I think it’s important, and how it’s the book that led to self-actualization.♡
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"Very truly I tell you, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life and will not be judged but has crossed over from death to life" /John 5:24\


My girls and I recorded a podcast on death, and I stated that I don’t believe that I’ll die, that I’ll live forever. I believe that our spirit, our God part, is supposed to live forever, because that is how we are made. It’s where we are going to live forever that’s important.


I haven’t thought of my own death although admittedly I used to. My friend and co-host shared how she often thinks of how she’ll die, and I realized that I used to think about that. I was conflicted once upon a time about how long I wanted to live on earth.  With all the suffering, hatred, poverty, confusion, even with the love, and compassion, and joy, and advancements that make human life easier and efficient, I wasn’t certain I wanted to be here long.


But thinking about death made me think about life and what it is that I personally want to achieve. It makes me think about what is important, who is important and what I’m doing with the time I have. It has made me recognize that in some ways I’ve wasted time—lamenting, wishing I’d said certain things, unsaid some words, unmet some folks, been vulnerable here, less vulnerable there. 


Thinking about the end makes me also think about the present, about how I am, how people are. How the world is become more violent; people are emotionless, careless and experts in justifying their evil. And this also makes me think about what kind of person I am, and would like to be. I’m looking at my own carelessness and asking myself, “How can you do better for next time?”


In the podcast I said I didn’t think about how my parents are also getting older and what that means. I thought I’d have something to say about it on this blog but I’ve got nothing. It’s not something that I think about, and that’s the truth.  I’m ok with that for now.


Death, to me, makes me think of life. It makes me think about right now; and it’s provoking me to be intentional with my time, my words, my company. Stop doing, saying, participating and being part of things that I do not want. Stop making excuses. Stop being fearful. Stop worrying.  Stop nitpicking things that I don’t have control over. Start making choices that make me happy. Start making choices that align with what I want and where I want to go. Start believing in myself more. Dig up that voice that I buried. Stop minding people, and get back to myself.


With that being said, why am do I think I’ll live forever? It’s because of my faith. My life is in Christ Jesus, that’s why I’m so certain. I'm cognizant that I have to start living boldly if this faith is to hold any weight. Yes, I'm bold in some things, but this subject has challenged me to be bold in everything. 



I have a podcast with my girlies called Speak On It, Sis! It's wonderful and you should definitely add us to your faves list! Listen to our latest episode, Let's Talk About Death.

I wrote my first book, Hindsight, a (very!) short, introspective book journaling the journey of facing disappointment and clutching on to hope. Available here.