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Hi, my name is Chenai Mbanga! Welcome to my blog! I write to encourage, inspire and empower you in growing in your spiritual life through reflections and prose. I have been writing on this blog for 5 years now, and it has been a journey! Join me as I continue my journey toward self-actualizing.❤

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    HINDSIGHT
    Hindsight is my first book! Read about where the idea came from, why I think it’s important, and how it’s the book that led to self-actualization.♡
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    EOCNaturals
    I’m the founder and owner of amazing plant based hair and body butter! Transform your hair and skin with our natural plant butters and oils!♡
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    SPEAK ON IT, SIS!
    My girls and I are podcasters, speaking on life, adulting, and the socio-political challenges that we see and face as young black women in today’s society. Check out our podcast!♡
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Latest Posts

New Year Sentiments



          The past few weeks I’ve been avoiding my blog. Avoiding putting words to paper; avoiding journaling even. And my avoidance has led me to be trapped in my thoughts, both good and bad, and I was beginning to be my own enemy. The doubt I felt I was daily overpowering was beginning to overpower me. And only now that I put words to paper, have I been able to begin writing again. 

 

So, what’s up? How have been the first couple of weeks of the new year been? They’ve been good. I got a new job. It’s an interesting transition and I’m happy about it. I feel it’ll allow me more freedom but we’ll see to what extent. I’m happy to be turning 30. I had all these plans, but I’ve had to temper them, but I’m not disappointed. I feel like I’m going to be celebrating all year, in small or big ways, who knows. Celebrating myself more, I mean. I take life for granted sometimes, but it often feels overwhelming because I feel I should be doing more but I don’t know what. Well, I know, but sometimes it just feels as though I don’t know anything. In any case, I think I have to catch myself from slipping down those rabbit holes. It’s sort of like my new position. There are things that are familiar and I know them well, but I have to learn something new again. And be confident that I will be good at it. Once upon a time I doubted I’d be able to do the last job, and I did better than I expected. And I’ll do even better this time too. And that’s what I expect of myself this year and the remainder of this month and each month: Expect to do better, and push myself to do better. 

 

And that’s all you can do, right? Push yourself to do better. And do your best to catch yourself from falling into unhelpful thoughts and patterns, those rabbit holes that lead to nowhere. In doing this, I want to cultivate joy, and discipline; and have liberty where doubt and fear sought to imprison. And prioritize doing things that bring me joy. Sacrifice some things for a little ooh la la, ya know?

 

I’m happy to have travelled to visit my cousin this month. I enjoyed the relaxation. And the downtime. And driving that familiar 3 hour drive to the city that I love. I swear, Calgary is an old lover that, just when I think I’m over it, there’s something that makes me long for it again. But Edmonton now feels like a place I can trust; Calgary, like the place that makes promises that it won’t keep. It’s a strange way to think of these two places, but these are just sentimental drivels. In any case, I cultivated some joy this month and I’m glad.

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