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Hi, my name is Chenai Mbanga! Welcome to my blog! I write to encourage, inspire and empower you in growing in your spiritual life through reflections and prose. I have been writing on this blog for 5 years now, and it has been a journey! Join me as I continue my journey toward self-actualizing.❤

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    HINDSIGHT
    Hindsight is my first book! Read about where the idea came from, why I think it’s important, and how it’s the book that led to self-actualization.♡
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    EOCNaturals
    I’m the founder and owner of amazing plant based hair and body butter! Transform your hair and skin with our natural plant butters and oils!♡
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    SPEAK ON IT, SIS!
    My girls and I are podcasters, speaking on life, adulting, and the socio-political challenges that we see and face as young black women in today’s society. Check out our podcast!♡
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Doubting Moments


And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free. |John 8:32|

**

I don’t suppose you’ll tell me the truth?

I may be wrong for assuming that you are lying, but I sincerely don’t know if you are not. I’ve been asked, What reason would there be for such a lie? But liars don’t need a reason. And liars don’t require rationality. They only see their own end. I didn’t immediately think you were lying; I was sincerely concerned in the beginning.

But after a while I noticed you were not forthcoming with certain things. And my concern turned to suspicion, and then annoyance. Because really, what reason would there be for such a lie? But I didn’t pursue it. I didn’t ask beyond the questions that went unanswered. I didn't insist on my questions being answered. I didn’t do more because I’ve learned sometimes the writing is on the wall. Sometimes the answer is spoken out loud even before the question is raised.

 

So my silence was my response.

 Is that always the right thing to do? Was that the best response? Not really. I think certain experiences have made me short, ready to walk away, no questions asked, no muss, no fuss. I don't think I was a person who generally looked for evil in people. You can't trust everyone, sure, but it shouldn't make you paranoid. But I think in this instance I've had reason to be suspicious, and curious. And it's the little things:  certain words of flattery being spoken, but there isn't much weight to hold them up.  Declarations being made but not much substance to buoy them. But I've had to remind myself: peace, be still.  Don't look for wrong where it doesn't exist. Whatever is done in the dark, you know it always comes to light.  Anyone who wishes to make you their prey will be caught in their own snare. Be at ease. Don't leave things to speculation and assumptions. Sometimes, things are not what they seem. 


But one thing is I always pray. I humbled myself before God, gave my reason for my response, and sincerely prayed if I’m wrong then let me have opportunity to make it right. But if I’m right, then whatever transpired is for the best.

**