Hi, my name is Chenai Mbanga! Welcome to my blog! I write to encourage, inspire and empower you in growing in your spiritual life through reflections and prose. I have been writing on this blog for 5 years now, and it has been a journey! Join me as I continue my journey toward self-actualizing.❤


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Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times." |Matthew 18: 21-22|


I am releasing you from the prison in which you placed us.  Because even when I have chosen to remove myself from it, I remain shackled to you.  My anger rises in waves; some days it arrests my peace; other days, the rage disappears as quickly as it comes. 

As I said, I am choosing to release you because you cannot pay back the debt that you owe me. Your words of apology, of remorse; that contrite tone that you muster as you plead for me to believe that you have learned a harsh lesson, does nothing to soothe me. Your words enrage, your silence inflames me more. There are moments when I am beside myself with questions, questions that ultimately do not bring me to a satisfied end even if I were to know the truth. But today I was reminded of a similar occasion months ago, whereby I had to release you because, again, you could not pay what you owed me. 

And that’s what I keep noticing. Why should I remain imprisoned with you, when I know you cannot pay your debt?  Keeping you locked here is not enough for me. And I have to come to terms with the fact that unless you pay in full, down to the immeasurable grain of the sands of time that I feel was stolen and wasted, I cannot keep you here. And I don’t want to remain imprisoned alongside you, my heart and soul incensed at the thought of a loss that I cannot regain.

You are an unsatisfying prisoner. There is neither variation or creativity in your words and apologies. 

And besides, I can’t justify keeping you here, not when I, myself, have sought and continue to seek leniency so that I am not an occupant of these same walls. 


Be at peace; you are free.


          I am free.




Then the master called the servant in. “You wicked servant,” he said, “I cancelled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?”  In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.

This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart. |Matthew 18:32-35|

pic via @afrodyssee