26

15:04




The thought of you last year filled me with anxiety.  Everything in me fought to not acknowledge you, to erase your looming arrival. Your arrival brought with it a mirror that revealed too much: every failure, every dream that looked hopeless, and every expectation mocking and jeering at me.

Thoughts of you made me feel breathless and fearful. Thoughts of you made me feel as though I was strapped in a strait jacket, with invisible hands cutting at me left and right, unable to escape.

But this time is different. This year, after going through that furnace, being consumed and harassed; after feeling so unsure and fearful and confused; after crying myself hoarse, fasting myself thin, praying myself empty, I am embracing you, stepping forward and celebrating you and looking at you, gazing into you with expectation. You are giving me confidence to try no matter what. You are pulling me into you, whispering words of faith, coaxing me to believe, encouraging me to leap. You are inspiring me to look beyond what is in front of me, and hang on to what I am hoping for.

And so I will celebrate you, the first day of my 26th year. I will enjoy you, explore you, and trust that you are pulling me towards my destiny. I will celebrate you because there is only one of you, there will never be another you. I will grab hold of you and take a leap of faith and believe that wherever I lend, everything will be ok.


So, although I have been hard pressed on every side, I am not crushed; perplexed but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned, struck down, but not destroyed. Many have been my afflictions but God has delivered them all.*






*2 Corinthians 4:8; Psalm 34:19




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