Hi, my name is Chenai Mbanga! Welcome to my blog! I write to encourage, inspire and empower you in growing in your spiritual life through reflections and prose. I have been writing on this blog for 5 years now, and it has been a journey! Join me as I continue my journey toward self-actualizing.❤


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In Wisdom & in Worship

After weeks of avoiding You, I finally lay down in my bed, and opened your Word, half of me suggesting that I close it, but another telling me to be brave. Yes, I was afraid. I know I shouldn’t have separated myself for this long, but life, you know? I flipped through the pages, hoping a psalms would help soothe my fear, but David’s worship of You seemed hypocritical on my lips, so I sought a proverb instead. My heart eased at the rebuke of King Solomon’s words of those who reject wisdom, and how their end is calamitous. My fear dissipated, to be replaced by the comprehension of how far I’d strayed. Yet I couldn’t help but ask: how can I not stray? For how long can I wait on you? Life goes on!
Sighing, I found myself in Exodus 32, the last scripture I’d read. You prompted me to read it again. I read it twice and couldn’t help but laugh. The Israelites’ impatience led to the sin of idolatry, and that sin led to the death of thousands in the camp. I’ve never appreciated the gravity of idolatry; how, because of it, you were ready to destroy your Beloved for creating a golden calf and exalting it above You. Yes, it was arrogant that they gave the work of their hands credit for rescuing them from Pharaoh. How they danced and celebrated, so proud and self-important they were.
 I suppose I have been doing the same thing in my impatience, replacing You with the work of my hands and the pleasures of life. I criticize a world that exchanges your Truth for a lie, worshipping and serving the creature rather than the Creator, yet I do the same in my own life: choosing the world instead of separating myself as the Levites did when Moses asked who was on Your side. It’s so easy to point at the hypocrisy of others, yet turning a blind eye to my own. There are a myriad of things vying for my attention, and it often feels as though you don’t hear or are not in a rush to answer, so the work of my hands become my pleasure; the progress from my efforts lead me to sacrifice in their honour. Indeed, will I ever escape that never-ending blame game that keeps all of us from taking responsibility for causing our own destruction? Undoubtedly, the cares of this life are a smokescreen that blind me from perceiving my descent from Your Kingdom. You were swift with judgement and rebuke once-upon a time, putting to death those who dabbled in any and all abominations. It has become easy to be lazy. 
 But how wonderful, and glorious is your mercy! Your wrath is assuaged by Your Son, who intercedes on my behalf daily; my gratitude will never be enough. He brings me to know wisdom; He admonishes me so that I grow in understanding, and with this lesson I can work on my salvation in remembrance of the Cross; heeding the lesson of a people whose feet were swift to walk to their death even after you promised them a glorious end.

                                                                       Proverbs 1: 20-33 (NIV):
"Out in the open wisdom calls aloud, she raises her voice in the public square; on top of the wall she cries out, at the city gate she makes her speech: "How long will you who are simple love your simple ways? How long will mockers delight in mockery and fools hate knowledge? Repent at my rebuke! Then I will pour out my thoughts to you, I will make known to you my teachings! But since you refuse to listen when I call and no one pays attention when I stretch out my hand, since you disregard all my advice and do not accept my rebuke, I in turn will laugh when disaster strikes you; I will mock when calamity overtakes you--when calamity overtakes you like a storm, when disaster sweeps over you like a whirlwind, when distress and trouble overwhelm you. Then they will call out to me but I will not answer; they will look for me but will not find me, since they hated knowledge and did not choose to fear the Lord. Since they would not accept my advice and spurned my rebuke, they will eat the fruit of their ways and be filled with the fruit of their schemes. For the waywardness of the simple will kill them, and the complacency of fools will destroy them; but whoever listens to me will live in safety and be at ease, without fear of harm."