As I was cutting up the garlic and onions and prepping for dinner, I admitted that unlike Apostle Paul, I have not learned to be content in whatever the circumstances (Philippians4:11). How do you do that? I mean be genuinely, wholeheartedly content? How do you master unshakeable contentment amidst broken plans, dissatisfaction, desperation staring you in the face -- knowing God can deliver, yet He is choosing to be with you in the chaos rather than removing it?
I pray for certain things, and God answers, but the joy is seemingly short-lived because there is a much greater need still outstanding. I frequent the house of God, and despite this, I have not yet mastered contentment. I asked myself if God was enough, and I hesitated. He’s enough, but…
I watch myself set all these goals and expectations, writing them down even; going to church, praying, believing God, yet there’s a discontent that I can’t quite understand. When I get what I want, I’m not happy. When I don’t get the answer speedily, I’m languishing. What is it that I truly want? I am grateful, I tell God I’m grateful, yet my gratitude seems empty; I’m saying what I’m supposed to but inwardly there’s turmoil.
I was telling a friend that I have many things to be grateful for, yet I don’t have contentment. It just seems I’m always adding something to the list to be check marked, and I’m wondering, when, how, if. I have not yet learned to allow the strength God gives to have its full expression. Perhaps in some things, but not all.
But in admitting that I am not content in the circumstances that I find myself God led me to the Apostle Paul. He has been in prison, been flogged more severely, and exposed to death repeatedly. He has received lashes, been beaten, and been shipwrecked three times; he has been in danger of the open sea, in danger from bandits, in danger from his own people, in the city, and in the country; and in danger from false Christians. He has gone without sleep, been hungry, and thirsty; he has been cold and naked. He knows what it is to experience weakness (2Corinthians11:23-29). Yet, through all this he says he learned the secret to contentment, which is that he can do all things through Christ who gives him strength.
He wasn’t resentful of all these troubles he’d passed through; he wasn’t lamenting how, championing God, his life looked like the devil was just having a field day on his worst days. The secret was, and is, the strength received from Jesus. And I suppose the strength that I’ve been praying for has not felt enough because I’m looking at the unsavory things, wondering why, and the strength seems insufficient. I’m struggling to fully affirm that God is fully enough because I fail to see that through the hard times, He truly sustained me-- not only by his strength but by His grace. And as I stopped to consider the past nine months, even the times where I wondered if I was well-equipped for the journey I am on, God sustained me, and strengthened me. I reminded myself of all that He has done for me, the battles that He has fought and the victories that He keeps winning. But it’s not just the victories themselves that I ought to be rejoicing in, but in His love, His mercy, that despite how dire the situation, with Him by my side I can still be content.
It takes His strength to endure loneliness, and lack, and hardship and uncertainty and unexpected life changes. I have to surrender myself to that strength, let it have full expression, rather than think a solution to my problems will bring me contentment. Physically, yes, it might; but spiritually, it has proved the opposite.
All this to say, I think the cycle of being joyful because I have answered prayers, and then the discouragement when a new challenge arises is wearing me out. God gives strength, and His strength is enough. It’s not just the solution to problems that makes worship of him worth it. He’s not only enough when the answer is evident. He’s enough when there doesn’t seem to be an answer at all.
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Have you ever found yourself saying “God is enough, but..?” Have you mastered being content in all things?
