Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets, but he who is trustworthy in spirit keeps a thing covered.
Proverbs11:13
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I remember sharing something personal with someone, and asking that person to keep it between the two of us, only for what I shared to get back to me through another person shortly afterwards. I had to laugh because I sensed that I shouldn't have shared it before I even opened my mouth, but sometimes I want to believe what I see rather than what I'm discerning.
It was confusing at first because I couldn't quite conclude much about the condition of the person's heart. I'm always ready to write a person off after putting them on a pedestal, but it didn't seem quite right to do so. It took a moment to recognize that I was wrong -- because I knew before I had opened my mouth not to say anything -- but I decided foolishly that someone was trustworthy because of how I perceived them. It was jarring at first, because when you are betrayed you want to throw blame where it belongs. But I had to swallow this loss on my own because I knew better, but didn't do better.
Before it dawned on me that I was at fault, I felt that this experience was enough ammo to prove that most folks can't be trusted. But after much reflection, I realized that I have to be a better steward of my life, of my secrets. Being a good steward means that I have to know what to share with whom at any given time. It's ok that we keep things to ourselves. It's not every piece of information that you have to share with someone as a means to connect, or build trust. Because of varying allegiances that we hold to different people, some of us are incapable of keeping others' confidence. And it's up to the one who wants to share a secret to determine whether the one with whom you're sharing is going to keep it or if their allegiance to someone else is too strong.
How do you know if someone is trustworthy?
Sometimes you won't know who is trustworthy, or who can keep your confidence until you put yourself on the line. You have to give something to get something in return. Does knowing so much about things you shouldn't know about someone make you a bad person? A little. It feels like a violation. Imagine being fully naked in a room full of people and the only person who is unaware is you. However, who among us can say they've never shared someone else's secret and begged for that person's silence on the matter? Are we to be written off completely because of it? Some of us have trustworthy people with whom we share others' secrets. But should there be a limit on what we share? Where do we draw the line?
I think if you share something confidential asking for secrecy and are let down, don't let it sit in your heart. Take it to mean that you can't trust that person with your secrets and have peace. It doesn't need to be an argument and there doesn't necessarily have to be a dramatic fall out. Knowledge is power. Knowledge helps us know how to steward our lives. Part of being a good steward is learning what to keep and what to discard, who to allow and who to guard against and in what measures. We must learn how to guard our hearts from the consequences of our errors too, not just from our environment.
All in all, this experience and others similar to it caused me to look critically at myself and forced me to have self awareness. It's not always the other person's fault. Sometimes I'm careless. Sometimes I think too highly of people and expect too much when I should recognize that people aren't black and white. Even the most trustworthy person can't handle some information. And sometimes, certain things, experiences, and life events ought not to be shared with everyone. Learn to steward your life. Learn to guard your heart. Also, a little self awareness goes a long way.
