Warning Signs and Exit Doors

 

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.

Anaïs Nin

*****

I remember going on a date a few years ago with a guy I had just met. He picked me up late one evening. We went downtown. I hadn’t known that we would go to a bar, and the place was packed---we could barely hear each other speak. I remember slipping away to the bathroom and texting my friend that it wasn’t what I was expecting at all. It wasn’t the elegant evening I’d anticipated; I wasn’t feeling the bar vibe. She encouraged me to speak up and say what I really wanted.

It's funny thinking back on it now, because I wasn’t shy to speak my mind. I think I was trying to go with the flow---be less demanding, say yes to things. So, I spoke up, and we ended up leaving and went somewhere with a bit more ambiance--quieter, more intimate.

And that’s the danger of going along with things that you don’t want. You end up in a place that you never envisioned – and not in a good way. I think life can feel like that date to some degree. You get dressed, you’re in anticipation, but find yourself in a place that you don’t want, and the noise is too loud. Folks can’t hear you, or they’re not listening because they’re comfortable with how things are. 

That’s why you need a friend that you can call – someone who will encourage you to speak up for yourself; say what you want. Change the scene. You might be seated at a table, politely enduring the company. But you have to be okay with getting up -- changing seats or even leaving entirely. 

I’ve noticed that sometimes we don’t lift our shield of faith -- not because we don’t know how, but we’re depleted. Weary. Tired of the effort that isn’t moving the needle in our favour. But the thing about lifting, is this: if you neglect it, overtime, the same weight will become heavier. And the day that you need it, you won’t be able to lift at all. Regrettably, you’ll one day find yourself on your death bed, haunted by a decision you’ll never know could have made your time here more abundant. 

Listen-- I know that all things work together for good to them that love God. Thank God for it, because regret would be too monstrous to overcome. When Dr. Myles Munroe said, “The grave is the richest place on earth” because it’s filled with unrealized dreams and potential, dare I say that most of those unrealized dreams and potential was not because of situations outside of peoples’ control. They were choices soberly made, fear and not faith that reigned, and choosing the status quo rather than charting your course, believing that God will see you to that expected end.

Circling back-- I wasn’t a stranger to the bar scene. But this time around, it wasn’t what I wanted. I entertained this person-- not because I thought it would lead somewhere, but I was depleted, bored. Uninspired. I convinced myself it would be fun while it lasted, but it was me I was depleting overtime. I remember thinking, “He thinks I’m someone that I’m not.” But in hindsight, did I know who I was?  If I did, I’d have left him on read.

This memory has made me take stock of myself presently.  I’ve been enduring life, enduring my environment, enduring everything. And certainly, I’ve had to; it has built in me perseverance, strengthening my faith along the way. Yes, I’m coming out of it bearing fruit --but I want to taste something sweet. I feel like there’s a fire alarm going off, and it’s time to evacuate.